Category: Humor/Fiction

Suppose, as a kid, I happened to be competing in a spelling bee, and lost, all because of Brussels sprouts?

“An awful lot of adults see these zombie movies and TV shows and think zombies are frightening…”

I’m not sure what kind of glasses would be appropriate for a dog, but I suspect he would look distinguished in black frames…

My dad used to say, you can tell when a politician is lying: whenever his mouth is moving…

US Trade Representative’s Office revealed a list of $200 billion worth of Chinese imports that would be to subject to 10 per cent tariffs – including “hats and headgear”…

“Well, you know, it’s not a simple thing to make America great again, and if we have to drink bad coffee for a few years, that’s a small price to pay….”

Two years later, I still hadn’t learned to read and wasn’t really keeping up on politics yet, so I missed hearing about the Federal Trade Commission report to Congress…

Facebook thoughtfully reminded me, yesterday, that it was my friend Winston’s birthday. Normally, I would have been grateful for the reminder — I don’t have a impressive record, remembering friends’ birthdays….

“The President’s problem is, he’s not ambitious enough. He needs to think bigger. The wall they’ve been talking about is too… I don’t know, it’s too wimpy…”

It’s great to know that the federal government has become so generous with musicians. Would that everyone were as generous…

You may not remember me, because it’s been a long time since we chatted at Macy’s Department Store…

Anyway, it kind of ruined Halloween for me this year. The neighborhood kids had apparently taken notice of the half-eaten pumpkin on their way to school…

How could hundreds of intelligent citizens give input into the Colorado Water Plan… and not a single mention of our water-loving friend, the beaver?

George crossed his arms defensively. “And what, pray tell, does public opinion have to do with my well-earned retirement?”

But the really scary stuff has nothing to do with zombies or ghosts. Although it might have something to do with clowns….

Well, gosh. I didn’t know President Trump had been counting on me in the first place. Nobody tells me about this stuff, until it’s too late…

“It has been pretty conclusively proven that the earth is undergoing a period of surprisingly intense global warming…”

Imagine how different America would have been, if Congress — instead of forever severing our political ties with Great Britain — had simply gone around to the corner tavern and knocked down a few beers?