“Florida Board Of Education Removes Africa From World Maps” is the story’s headline.
“Saying the continent’s existence raised numerous questions of bias and accountability in the classroom, the Florida Board of Education reportedly responded to heated statewide controversy Friday by removing Africa from all world maps. ‘Many parents expressed concern that we were teaching their children to be unpatriotic by depicting the existence of the African continent’”…
…That’s in the lead paragraph, and there’s more in The Onion, a newspaper and online site that’s known for satirizing and sometimes fictionalizing current events.
I’ve never tried writing satire, myself… so, why not give it a shot?… I got to thinking. And the headline – ‘Peace Declared Everywhere’ – came to me, and then, these words:
Citing heartburn, leaders, worldwide, have agreed to declare peace.
We’ve had enough, they proclaimed, in unison. This heartburn, from all the stress, from being vengeful, all the time, and from waging wars, and such, is killing us, they all agreed.
All the antacid meds we’re popping, all the time, would sink our warships.
On top of that, our spouses, or significant others, as the case may be, can’t handle our constant belching and complaining anymore. What heartburn is doing to us, we’ve all agreed, makes peace a viable alternative.
Even America’s Republican and Democratic party leaders will be standing in solidarity with all the world leaders, the U.S lawmakers proclaimed, as they too were trying to control their belching.
A Vatican official was overheard saying, on a hot mic, moments before a scheduled prayer breakfast was about to begin:
What diplomats throughout history have failed to achieve, heartburn is bringing to all the world’s citizens.
A papal aide was even heard cracking a joke:
Why did the vampire’s lunch give him heartburn? Because it was a stake sandwich.
A little humor, less belching, and peace everywhere… as the Gershwin song lyric suggests; “Who could ask for anything more?
Harvey Radin is former senior vice president in charge of corporate communications and media relations, Bank of America Western Region. He makes his home in Redwood City, CA.