Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you…
— ‘Close To You’ by Burt Bacharach and Hal David, recorded by The Carpenters in 1970.
While making my way slowly — slowly, and carefully — through downtown Pagosa Springs, I had the opportunity to read the bumper sticker on the Jeep in front of me.
I’m usually too busy on my phone, when I’m driving, to pay attention to bumper stickers.
But like I said, the traffic was just barely creeping, and I didn’t have any text messages at the moment. And the bumper sticker was extremely interesting, when viewed from a close distance.
“Do You Follow JESUS This Close?”
In my own defense I should explain that the traffic had come to a complete stop at that moment, and so maybe I was a little bit close, but you actually had to be up close to read this bumper sticker. The word “JESUS” was relatively large, but the other words were pretty tiny.
Being a person who is easily offended by poor syntax — an unfortunate side effect of being a journalist — I felt my Inner English Teacher take control of my brain.
The correct grammatical structure was, of course:
“Do You Follow JESUS This Closely?“
“Close” is an adjective, used to modify a noun. “Well, that was a close call, grammatically speaking.”
“Closely” is an adverb, used to modify a verb. “If you listen closely, you will learn the difference between an adjective and an adverb.”
Even though they sound related, these are two different words, and deserve to be treated as such, and used correctly. For example, you would never hear Karen Carpenter sing:
“Just like me, they long to be, closely to you…”
Everyone would instantly recognize the grammatical error, and the song would not have remained at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 Singles for four weeks.
In the same vein, no one follows Jesus “close”. They follow Him — if they follow Him at all — “closely”.
But there I am, stuck in traffic, criticizing this guy’s bumper sticker, and it slowly dawns on me that I could not possibly follow Jesus this closely, because Jesus didn’t ever own a car. He walked everywhere. Or rode a donkey, as the case may be.
Okay, yes, maybe I could follow him this closely if I were also riding a donkey. But how likely is that?
It’s much more likely that Jesus and his followers — including me — would be walking, and that He wouldn’t mind at all if we were following closely. Like, He would never think of wearing a pink hoodie with an off-putting, sarcastic message like this one:
He wanted his followers to follow Him. That’s why they were called “followers”.
But also, the hoodie would use proper grammar and say “…This Closely”.
And not pink, I assume.
Just my assumptions, based on my study of scripture.
I didn’t recognize the Jeep I was following through downtown, so the driver was probably not one of my friends. In fact, probably not someone I will ever be friends with. Certainly not a close friend.
I’m here using the term “friend” in the old fashioned sense of someone who is willing to loan you $20 if they happened to have that much in their wallet. Not a social media “Friend” that you happen to be “following”.
If Jesus were on social media, I would definitely be following Him closely.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all. You can read more stories on his Substack account.