“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.”
“The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.”
“The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master — that’s all.”
― Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass, 1871
I thought… for a minute there… that the U.S. was at war with Iran.
Well, actually, for more than a minute. I’ve been thinking that my country was at war since February 28, 2026. I kept coming across broadcasts on Fox News, with commentators talking like we were at war with Iran.
One of my favorite websites, Wikipedia, also thought so.
Since 28 February 2026, the United States and Israel have been at war with Iran and its regional allies. Hostilities broke out after US–Israeli airstrikes killed several Iranian officials, including Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei. The strikes were launched amid ongoing US–Iran negotiations regarding Iran’s nuclear program…
Just goes to show, appearances can be deceiving. We are, in fact, not at war with Iran.
Vice President JD Vance explained that very clearly, at a press conference last week.
Much to my relief, I confess.
Some might argue that this video is a ‘deep fake’ created by AI, and the Vice President never actually said, “I wouldn’t call it a war.”
But I’m going to believe that the Vice President did say it, and also that he’s absolutely on target. I hate the very thought of America being at war with some foreign country on the other side of the globe. We’ve tried that before, and it has not gone well.
So if the Vice President won’t call it a war, why would Fox News want to call it a war? Or Wikipedia? They shouldn’t. Because it’s not a war.
President Trump explained the whole thing, just a few weeks after something that wasn’t a war started on February 28, that some people thought was a war. (Including foolish me.)
On March 25, during a lengthy speech at the National Republican Congressional Committee Annual Fundraising Dinner, the President talked about the people who are creating chaos. Those people being, the Democrats.
They’re just creating chaos. They want to create chaos. It’s all they’re good at, creating chaos. They can’t do policy. No good. But they’re doing it for two reasons. Number one is, they want to deflect from all of the tremendous success that we’re having in this military operation. I won’t use the word “war” because they say if you use the word “war,” that’s maybe not a good thing to do. They don’t like the word “war,” because you’re supposed to get approval. So I’ll use the word “military operation,” which is really what it is.
Of course, a few minutes earlier, in the same speech, the President accidentally referred to the war as if it were really a war.
We take so much fake news. You know, if you listen to the news, you think we’re losing a war in Iran where we’re decimating the other side.
But then he reminded us, moments later, it’s “maybe not a good thing” to refer to a military operation as a “war” when… well, according to the U.S. Constitution, only the Congress can declare war.
And there are so many other reasons why you would never want to refer to a military operation as a “war.”
Which is exactly why Vice President Vance said, “I wouldn’t call it a war.” The simple fact is, a thing is only a war if you call it a war. If you never call it a war, then it will never be a war. That’s one of the beautiful things about the English language, as Humpty-Dumpty tried to explain to Alice, so many years ago. The question is not “whether there’s a war in Iran” but “who is the master of the English language.”
Fox News may think they’re master of the English language, but they’re not. Wikipedia? Also not the master.
We elect Presidents and Vice Presidents to be the masters of our language. It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
Vice President Vance had appeared at the press conference because the former White House Press Secretary, Karoline Leavitt, has a new baby and would rather stay home with her children than keep telling a roomful of Lamestream Media reporters that, no, there’s no war happening. Just because missiles are flying and bombs are getting dropped and people getting killed, doesn’t mean we’re in a war.
War is something really, really serious. What’s happening in Iran is not really serious.
Hardly worth talking about, in fact.
Let’s forget I mentioned it.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all. You can read more stories on his Substack account.