READY, FIRE, AIM: How To Make Kung Pao Chicken That Tastes Better than Takeout

We all want to make the world a better place.

Sometimes, it can only be better for about 30 minutes or so, during the time we are eating dinner.

Sure, plenty of people think big, and commit themselves to stopping global warming… or controlling gun violence… or feeding the hungry… or all the myriad things that would contribute to a just and secure human existence.

But… so much work! Inevitable frustration! The forgotten anniversaries, while you were out saving the Planet!

Want to improve the world, without breaking a sweat, and in a way that won’t threaten your marriage? Try cooking up some Kung Pao Chicken that tastes better than take-out.

Kung pao chicken traces its origins back to the Qing dynasty in the late 1880s, when a prominent official named Ding Baozhen smelled a savory aroma while walking by a commoner’s home one day, leading Ding to subsequently employ said commoner as his private chef. Kung pao — or more accurately, 宫(gōng) 保(bǎo) — was Ding’s honorary title , and so became attached to his favorite recipe, as a tribute. Pretty neat. How many dishes can you think of, that areb named after a prominent government official? That’s you’d actually want to eat?

The entree has now become a standard offering at Asian-style restaurants in America, eaten in or taken out.

The Asian continent has made other recent contributions to American culture. Worthy of note: the coronavirus known as SARS-CoV-2. Which has discouraged some of us from patronizing restaurants, Asian or otherwise, over the past 15 months.

But fret no longer. You can easily create this savory dish in your own kitchen, using commonly available ingredients. You will need a skillet, or better yet, a wok, although in a pinch, a large sauce pan will work. (I do not recommend using a cookie sheet, based on personal experience.)

The key to making Kung Pao Chicken that ‘tastes better than take-out’ is, of course, finding some really awful tasting take-out, so yours can taste better. This might involve some research. (I skipped the research, and simply ‘imagined’ some disgusting take-out to compare mine against.)

Here, I happily share my simple approach to home-made Kung Pao, without making an unnecessary trip to City Market where many people are now refusing to wear masks.

This recipe serves two. You want to set out all the ingredients, close at hand, because due to the high heat used for stir-frying, the process goes very quickly. You will also want to turn off your phone, if you know what’s good for you.

Turn your stove on high, and sprinkle the pan with about 1 Tbsp of cooking oil (avocado oil, sunflower oil, or pretty much anything oily. Crisco works great. Except it’s hard to ‘sprinkle’ so I just slapped a glob in the pan.)

Add, in this order, stirring each addition for about one minute:

1) 1/2 lb. Chicken, cut into bite-size chunks.
Some recipes specify chicken thighs, claiming that breast meat tends to become too dry when stir-fried. I didn’t have any chicken thighs… or any chicken at all, for that matter. So I used bacon.

2) 1/2 onion, cut into bite-size chunks.

2) 4 oz. roasted peanuts or cashews, coarsely chopped.
I found crunchy-style peanut butter to be a feasible substitute. And cheaper.

3) 1/4 cup each, green and red bell peppers, cut in bite-sized pieces.
I didn’t have bell peppers, so I used some Fritos corn chips doused with green food coloring, and slices of a red-skinned apple.

4) 1 Tbsp. fresh ginger root, minced.
Who the heck has fresh ginger root sitting around the kitchen? Not me. A couple of crumbled-up ginger snap cookies worked just fine.

5) 2 Tbsp. soy sauce mixed with 2 Tbsp. corn starch.
Feel free to substitute 2 Tbsp. Kraft Original BBQ Sauce.

6) 1 Tbsp. Sambal Oelek or similar chili paste.
Or ketchup.

Serve hot, over steamed rice… or over a slice of white bread… accompanied by white wine, or anything alcoholic.

As I mentioned, this recipe serves two. With a big enough bottle of wine, you will still be married afterwards, and the world will seem like a slightly better place.

Louis Cannon

Louis Cannon

Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.