According to a recent news story, La Plata County School District teacher Hillary Brooks has been named Colorado Teacher of the Year. The story included an interview with Ms. Brooks, who teaches business and finance at Camino High School.
To judge by the article, Ms. Brooks is an especially dedicated teacher, committed to reaching every one of her students in a meaningful way.
From the article:
Tell us about a favorite lesson to teach. Where did the idea come from?
My favorite lesson is our zombie apocalypse lesson, which teaches students that businesses can solve any problem in the long-term. During the lesson, I surprise the students with an emergency alert announcement about zombies. At first, the students don’t know if the announcement is real, so they get a little worried. After I tell the students that there is not really a zombie outbreak, they have to work together to create a business that would help people during a zombie apocalypse. They love this assignment, and their presentations are fantastic…
…I know if I provide the purpose and the chance to use the concepts and content in a meaningful, hands-on way, they will learn and will retain what they learn…
It’s been a few years since I sat at a student desk in high school, and I remember my fellow students (and myself) being relatively naïve about certain topics. But I’m pleased to hear that, when a class full of high school students in a business and finance class hears their teacher read an emergency alert about a zombie outbreak, they take the announcement seriously.
Some older people nowadays don’t believe that zombies actually exist. Foolishly. Even more importantly, certain older people don’t believe you could create a viable business that would “help people during the zombie apocalypse.”
Luckily for us, our up-and-coming generation of business students not only understand the dangers posed by a zombie outbreak — they are planning ways to profit by it.
Turns out, the zombie business lesson is not unique to Ms. Brooks’ business class at Camino High School. Business teacher Dr. Rudolph Spengler has been teaching a class called “Profit from the Zombie Invasion” at Adolph Coors High School in Denver since 2018.
“Most people totally misunderstand the zombie invasion,” explains Dr. Spengler, who holds a Doctor of Divinity degree from Liberty Online University.
“An awful lot of people see zombie movies and TV shows, and think of zombies as merely frightening and dangerous. Luckily, the young people here at Adolph Coors have a much more sympathetic view of the situation.
“Zombies are dead, yes, that’s true… and yes, they occasionally eat human brains. But they have normal desires and foibles, just like the rest of us. They can be shy about asking someone out on a date, for example. They’re typically looking for variety in their diet — surprisingly enough, with an emphasis on organic produce. A steady diet of human brains gets old after a while, as you can imagine.
“But one thing my students understand — and it’s something most mature Americans haven’t a clue about — is that the zombie invasion is going to be a great benefit to the national economy. Our country has become highly dependent upon immigrant workers, but now with the current federal effort to deport immigrants, we’re ultimately going to need to invite the zombies to join our workforce.”
One group of business students at Adolph Coors High has been developing innovative plans for a state-funded zombie training program.
“Zombies probably can’t be trained to fill high-tech positions,” Dr. Spengler explained. “because they have trouble learning a computer keyboard. But they seem to be adaptable to certain necessary jobs. Dog walking, for example… Uber drivers… Brain surgeons, if properly supervised…
“And of course, politicians.”
Dr. Spengler noted one key advantage to hiring zombies: Employers don’t need to pay health care premiums.
“They’re already dead!” he smiled.
“I was personally delighted, this year, when the Colorado Department of Education finally recognized the importance of zombies in our high school education curriculum, especially in business and finance classes. I suspect my students and fellow teachers at Adolph Coors would love to nominate an outstanding teacher for the Teacher of the Year competition next year.
“I mean… me.”
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all. You can read more stories on his Substack account.