READY, FIRE, AIM: What My Left Hand Was Doing

But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing…

— Matthew 6:3

I must have made a donation… to someone… at some point.

I mean, to this or that worthy non-profit.

Because, for the past couple of weeks, it seems liker every single non-profit in the world has been asking me to make a donation on Colorado Gives Day.  That was yesterday.  December 10.

But I was really busy yesterday, and the time just flew by.  Darn it.  Missed my chance.

Not that they didn’t make an effort to remind me, by sending me plenty of email notifications.

“They” being, for example:

A planned parenthood organization

A non-profit radio station

A local theatre company

A non-profit that shelters homeless animals

A pregnancy assistance organization

A group that advocates for illegal immigrants

A relief organization that helps people in Africa

A theatre company that produces radio shows about homeless illegal pregnant animals in Africa

These were all worthy causes.

Exactly why I sent all these emails into my Junk folder, I cannot say. My left hand must have done it, while my right hand wasn’t looking.

It’s not like my right hand couldn’t afford to make a few donations. When I ate a a local restaurant this past weekend, I wasn’t trying to be extravagant, but the bill came to almost $40. With the $1 tip, even closer to $40.

That money could have provided relief to a lot of homeless illegal pregnant animals in Africa.

I understand why they schedule ‘Colorado Gives Day’ for the beginning of December. Most people are deep into shopping for Christmas, and they’ve given up on keeping track of how much they’ve put on their credit card.

Maybe that’s my problem. I don’t shop for Christmas. Living alone with my cat, Roscoe, we don’t exactly go overboard with the whole holiday thing. Every year, I buy him one of those little felt mice stuffed with catnip, and that seems to satisfy him. And of course, he doesn’t give gifts, being a cat.

Although he does occasionally leave a small mutilated animal on my welcome mat.

But not in December. In December, he prefers to stay indoors, and merely dream about mutilating small animals.

Cats also do not make donations to Planned Parenthood or non-profit radio stations.

And apparently, some humor columnists also do not make donations to the needy.

Jesus had some interesting advice about giving to the needy.

Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.

But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

He didn’t explain what happens if you forget to give to the needy, because you were busy and the time just slipped by.

I blame my left hand.

Louis Cannon

Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.