READY, FIRE, AIM: Where’s the Flattery When I Really Need It?

Photo: Statue of Tigranes the Great.

“The first messenger that gave notice of Lucullus’ coming was so far from pleasing Tigranes that he had his head cut off for his pains; and no man dared to bring further information. Without any intelligence at all, Tigranes sat while war was already blazing around him, giving ear only to those who flattered him.”

— from Plutarch’s ‘Lives’, written around 100 AD.

Yes, I like to be flattered. It doesn’t happen too often, but I only want to be flattered when people are being entirely honest.

Maybe that doesn’t even qualify as ‘flattery’? Maybe flattery is always ‘dishonest’?

I found the above quote and photo when I was researching Tigranes II, also known as Tigranes the Great… the king of Armenia from 95 BC to 55 BC.

Under his reign, the Armenian kingdom expanded beyond its traditional boundaries and reached its peak, which encouraged Tigranes II to claim the title ‘Great King’ or ‘King of Kings’.  His empire was — for a few years — the most powerful state east of Rome.

I’ve not yet been able to confirm the empire’s motto: “Make Armenia Great Again.”

But if we are to believe Plutarch (and who doesn’t believe Plutarch?) it would appear that Tigranes liked to surround himself with people willing to flatter him. In 69 BC — while the king was enjoying said flattery — his army was decisively defeated at the Battle of Tigranocerta, by a Roman army under the command of Lucullus.

The Romans allowed him to continue wearing his crown so long as he did what they told him to do. I assume this involved Tigranes making an effort to flatter certain Romans?  Just an assumption.

Flattery for political purposes is alive and well, according to certain news outlets. Especially in Washington DC, apparently.

Here’s a selection of Lamestream Media articles from the summer of 2025.

NPR: Why flattering Trump is now the go-to diplomatic move

New York Times: Global Diplomacy in the Trump Era is All About Flattery

TIME: The Trump Era of Flattery Diplomacy is Here

Washington Post: In 3-hour televised Cabinet meeting, Trump soaks up flattery

Bloomberg: Trump Flattery Pays Off for Starmer with Pitfalls Averted

We seem to be in an era of flattery.  And along those lines, there’s lots of flattery being dispensed freely on social media. People call it “Likes”. Little heart-shaped emojis. Appreciative comments in the comments section. Photos meant to flatter someone.

So why am I getting so few “Likes” when I post my humor columns?

I mean, the job doesn’t pay very well, but you know, I’m not really in it “for the money”. I just thought there would be more in the way of flattery coming my way. To boost my ego. Kings aren’t the only ones who need regular ego-boosting.

One obvious problem is that the Daily Post was designed without the option to leave “Comments” at the end of a column.  Did someone forget? Or was this a conscious corporate decision? No one will tell me. (And I have asked repeatedly.)

Granted, the Comments sections I come across on real news websites are not typically full of flattery. Mostly, people leave complaints and criticisms. Because that’s how people are, when you’re not a king.

But what if… just thinking out loud… what if there was an option — like, as the only option — to leave little heart-shaped emojis at the end of a humor column?

Is that asking too much?

Here’s a quote from a November Financial Times article by a former senior U.S. National Security Council and Department of State official:

Faced with someone so desperate for attention and respect, is it better to satisfy those appetites with flattery, praise and compromise — or stand up to him and resist his demands?

No, the article was not about me. But based on that one sentence, it certainly could have been. Anyone who knows me will tell you, standing up to me and resisting my demands, will get you nowhere.

Just ask my ex-wife.