READY, FIRE, AIM: Shopping as Therapy, in Times of Gloomy Outlook

Photo: Victoria Isherwood shops at Safeway in Denver in 2017.

Colorado voters hold a dim view of national politics… two-thirds of respondents to a new poll fear political violence will worsen over the next few years…

— from the article, “Coloradans have gloomy outlook on economy, elected leaders…” by Nick Coltrain in the Denver Post, November 21, 2025.

The Colorado Polling Institute released some results last week, which I don’t want to get too deeply into, because… well… they’re pretty depressing results. Apparently, many Coloradans are feeling just as dejected and pessimistic as I am. Some of them, even more so.

Which make sense, because we’re all using the same social media apps.

When the Denver Post shared Mr. Coltrain’s article about this discouraging new poll, they illustrated the article with the photo shown above: Ms. Victoria Isherwood shopping at Safeway in Denver on September 28, 2017, and getting ready to add some cold brew coffee to her cart. Little did Ms. Isherwood — with her shopping cart slowing filling — imagine what the world would be like in eight short years. Worse yet, that her photo would be used to illustrate a gloomy article in the Denver Post.

And now, in the Daily Post as well.

But bear with me. This column is not going to be gloomy, even if the world around us is trying its very best to make us feel depressed, and mostly succeeding.

But we have to start with Mr. Coltrain’s article.

Nearly 3 in 4 Colorado voters in survey think political dynamics are in ‘crisis’… 46% of Colorado voters said they think the economy will only get worse, while another 43% think it’ll only stay about the same — leaving a sliver of voters, just 12%, with a rosy outlook.

I want us to focus on that sliver of voters. The 12% who have a rosy outlook.

First of all, who the hell are these people?  How can anyone in their right mind have a rosy outlook about the economy?

Second of all, I promised that this column would not be gloomy, despite the fact that every bone in my body says it ought to be gloomy.

So I went shopping.  To prepare myself for writing this column.

It’s been confirmed by neuroscientists that buying stuff releases “happy hormones” like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. The excitement can start even before making a purchase, simply from the anticipation of shopping.

Knowing this, I anticipated my shopping trip  for as long as I could, which was about 30 minutes.  Finally, my body had released as much dopamine as it was likely to release, so I jumped in the car and headed for Walmart.

Of course, I could have shopped online, but I find that I don’t get the full dose of hormones until the item is actually in my sweaty little hands.  So why wait two days for the full dose, when Walmart probably has the same item at nearly the same price?

Scientific research has shown that people get the biggest hormone boost when the purchased item is really expensive and that it provides some kind of experiential value. You don’t necessarily want to buy something that doesn’t create an ‘experience’.

For example, you can buy a 2025 Presidential Rose Gold Rolex (Day-Date, 40mm) with an Olive Dial for $57,000.

(Note that you are buying this, not me.)

You can also buy a Mercedes-AMG CLA 35 for $57,000.

(Again, this is you doing the buying.)

You will get a rush of endorphins, either way, when you write the check. But there’s a huge difference in amount of endorphins, because the ‘experiential values’ are very different.

The watch just sits there on your wrist, telling the time.  Boring.

But the Mercedes can cover a quarter mile in 13 seconds, from a dead stop.

You can show the watch to your girlfriend. But the Mercedes can deliver her to Walmart, in style. (Careful of the 45 MPH speed limit!)

(Now that I think about it, maybe I should be the one buying the Mercedes, and not you.)

One of the best ways to shopping — if you are looking to distract yourself from your otherwise miserable life — is shopping with friends. Each friend can ‘ooooh’ and ‘aaaaah’ about each person’s purchase, which adds to the hormone kick.

If you don’t have any friends, you can always have a conversation with the store staff.

That’s another reason why I prefer in-person Walmart shopping to online shopping. The store staff. They almost always help me feel less lonely.

EDITOR’S NOTE: While shopping can provide temporary happiness, it’s important to be mindful of potential downsides. Overindulgence in shopping can lead to financial stress or compulsive buying behaviors. Recognizing when shopping is a healthy treat versus a coping mechanism is crucial for maintaining balance.

I have never understood why the Daily Post editor gets to stick his big fat nose into my humor columns, just when I’m on a roll.

Another reason to go shopping.