When our Daily Post editor was searching for a royalty-free photograph to illustrate today’s column, he settled on the photo above, of a Musk Deer.
I had specifically requested a photograph of Elon Musk.
Our editor defended his choice. “But look at the fangs! Did you know musk deer have actual fangs? I think it fits perfectly with your column.”
Well, he’s the editor. And the publisher. And he owns the website. I’m just a pawn in his foolish game.
At any rate, the photo I was hoping for would have been something like this:
At a recent CPAC gathering — the annual Conservative Political Action Conference — one of the keynote speakers was none other than Elon Musk. (None: no visible fangs!).
Musk was gifted a customized chainsaw from from Argentine President Javier Milei (visible in the background waving his hand)… the saw being a reference to Milei’s “chainsaw plan” to slash public spending in Argentina and implement a series of drastic austerity measures. The words ““VIVA LA LIBERTAD, CARAJO!” (translation: “Long live freedom, damn It!”) were engraved into the saw’s blade.
Musk waved the chainsaw over his head, vowing to continue gutting the U.S. government.
When you have a chainsaw, you don’t need fangs.
If you can believe what you read in the online news, Elon Musk is not only extremely wealthy… he’s also extremely fond of firing people. In fact, his love of firing people is one of the reasons he’s so wealthy. Kinda goes hand-in-hand?
The media often suggests that the barons of Silicon Valley like to “move fast and break things”. A chainsaw doesn’t exactly “break things”. It more like cuts them up. But it’s equally violent, which Silicon Valley barons enjoy.
Elon Musk’s campaign to get rid of 10% of 2.3 million-strong federal workforce, including all 10,000 employees in the U.S. Agency for International Development, might evoke memories of his 2022 takeover of social media company Twitter, now known as ‘X’.
Especially, it might evoke those memories for the 5,000 Twitter employees he laid off, when he bought the company.
In October 2022, Musk told the BBC he had culled the company’s headcount to 1,500… down about 80% from about 7,500 Twitter employees at the end of 2021. The great thing about taking a chainsaw to a company’s staff — speaking figuratively, of course — is, you no longer have to pay people. So, more money for yourself. Which is the whole point, right?
Last I looked, those 1,500 employees are somehow keeping ‘X’ up and running. (I don’t look very often, because I have to spend my time writing these humor columns.)
In Hollywood, the appearance of a chainsaw typically means someone is going to die in a horribly bloody fashion. But in reality, a chainsaw can be a relatively harmless tool for cutting firewood. I’m not sure whether a chainsaw, appearing at a conference of political conservatives, is harmless. I guess it would depend on your politics.
Another photograph that our editor could have used, instead of the stupid ‘musk deer’ photo, is this one showing a poster at a London bus stop. Since we’re talking about ‘moving fast’.
We could see this as a slight exaggeration. The Tesla Model 3 can accelerate from 0 to 60mph in about 3.8 seconds. It can’t actually reach speeds of 1,939mph.
But maybe these people are making a joke?
1939 is the year England and Germany got tangled up in a nasty war. Which the English blame on Germany, and the Germans blame on England.
Probably they are both partly to blame. But that’s easy for me to say. Like my divorce from Darlene. Who was really to blame? Or, looked at another way, who should get the credit?
Yes, maybe Darlene did get the house, in the settlement.
But I got the chainsaw.