Historically, most people never made it into the history books. Back in the day, you pretty much had to be a king or queen or someone’s mistress to be included, by name, in the written chronicles of humankind, or in a painting that would someday hang in a museum. Most of our ancestors got nothing more than a passing mention as “huddled masses yearning to breathe free”.
Or maybe as “the wretched refuse of your teeming shore.”
“Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” wrote Emma Lazarus in 1883, to celebrate the Statue of Liberty, which would not be erected in the New York harbor for another three years.
But kings and queens, they usually got mentioned by name. And some other types, like infamous criminals, and politicians. But I repeat myself.
We all know the name ‘George Washington’, and we also know his face. We know that he never smiled, in spite of being enormously wealthy.
Or maybe most of us didn’t know that he was enormously wealthy? In addition to being famous? I certainly didn’t, until a few days ago, when I came across a website purporting to reveal the actual appearances of “historical” people.
Earlier this month, the website Investing.com posted “What Historical Figures Really Looked Like”… paintings or sculptures or wax models of historically-important people down through history, including President Washington. Investing.com claims that Washington had an inflation-adjusted net worth of $587 million when he died at age 67.
They also posted a fairly realistic-looking photo of his face. Not smiling, of course.
In fact, very few of the 177 ‘historical people’ on the Investing.com list were smiling, even though a fairly large number of them were wealthy. (Adjusted for inflation.) Maybe, like George, they had bad teeth? Or maybe ‘smiling’ is a merely contemporary fad that will soon fade.
For me, the most interesting part of the Investing.com list was the estimated net worth of the ‘historical people’ — many of whom were not really famous when they were alive, but somehow became famous by being frozen inside a glacier for 2,000 years, or accidentally mummified, or some similar feat of preservation. Typically, they didn’t appear to be especially wealthy.
How exactly the wealth of persons living centuries ago would be calculated was not made clear in the article.
The wealthiest famous person illustrated by Investing.com was Genghis Khan, who established the Mongol Empire in the early 1200s. We might not think of Mongolia as a place where a guy could become filthy rich, but Genghis proved the critics wrong.
Another wealthy guy who didn’t like to smile, apparently.
Investing.com pegged his wealth at $150 trillion (adjusted for inflation.) “Trillion” with a “T”. That puts our current crop of tech industry billionaires to shame.
But Genghis wasn’t the only ‘trillionaire’ in the list.
Also worth a bundle was King Nebuchadnezzer of Babylonia, when money was apparently growing on trees, back in 600 BC. Pretty impressive, considering they hadn’t even struck oil in the Middle East yet.
Investing.com credits the King with an inflation-adjusted wealth of $4.6 trillion. I was, however, disappointed with the image included with King Nebuchadnezzer.
Investing.com had promised to show me “What Historical Figures Really Looked Like”… but the picture of this particular King was, unfortunately, inaccurate.
Investing.com presents us here with an engraving of the king — obviously dating from after the invention of printed engravings in the 1430s. Not even close to when the King lived. (600 BC.)
So… not a real likeness, folks. Not even close. He’s dressed up like some European king from the 1400s, and we are perfectly justified in feeling disappointed.
If they had spent a bit more time looking for a realistic rendition of King Nebuchadnezzer — I mean, it’s a simple thing to do these days — they would have come upon the same image I found, probably dating from around 600 BC.
King Nebuchadnezzer did not look anything like a European king. He wore a flowered headband, a necklace, and earrings.
He looked like a damn hippie, if you ask me.
But an incredibly rich hippie.
One thing I found interesting was the relative absence of Americans on the list. Apparently, the owners of Investing.com have their offices in Cyprus, China and Spain, which might explain the reason why George Washington was one of only six Americans on the list of 177 ‘historical people’. And why none of the other Americans were particularly wealthy, except maybe Emily Dickinson and Aaron Burr. And also, maybe Thomas Paine, but it’s hard to tell.
But times change. In a thousand years, when they make a new list of “Historical Figures” and what they really looked like, I expect to see Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos on the list.
We know very well what they look like.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.