What a shock.
We were all looking forward to a great knock-down, drag-out battle between incumbent Republican Lauren Boebert, our conservative representative for US Congressional District 3, and her adversary — the dark-money-supported Democrat challenger Adam Frisch, who lost the closest congressional race in the country to Ms. Boebert in 2022.
Mr. Frisch lost by 527 votes, out of 327,385 ballots cast. A 0.16% difference. Almost too close to call.
The 2024 election was going to be even more exciting. Or so Mr. Frisch promised us.
Maybe too exciting to bear?
Yesterday, however, Rep. Boebert bailed on us. She filmed an announcement in her kitchen, claiming that her fight against Socialists and Communists will continue, but maybe from over in Congressional District 4, instead? At least, it appeared to be her kitchen. But it could have been someone else’s kitchen, I suppose.
District 3 wasn’t good enough for her? Almost half of Colorado… she can just walk away and leave us in the hands of an Aspen businessman?
Here’s Part One of her December 27 surprise announcement.
“Hey, everyone! I hope you had a great Christmas with your family and loved ones! I hope it was filled with laughter and joy. After all, ‘joy’ is not just a suggestion. It is our battle plan!”
Actually, my Christmas celebration, with my ex-wife and her new boyfriend, and my kids, and her slobbering dog, was tolerable. I laughed once or twice. Out of politeness. Admittedly, I showed up without a battle plan, which might explain the shortage of ‘joy’ during the three-hour ordeal.
Rep. Boebert sounded pretty joyful and upbeat, however, in her announcement. Except not the part about the Socialists and Communists. Or the part about the Hollywood elites and progressive money groups, buying the 3rd District.
Here’s Part Two:
“Personally, this announcement is a fresh start, following a pretty difficult year, for me and my family.” Probably a couple of difficult years. I mean, running a restaurant was tough. But serving in Congress? Serving in this Congress?
As she notes, she had never been in politics before. And she’d never been through a divorce.
I don’t think anyone ‘intends’ to go through a divorce. I know I didn’t intend to go through a divorce. Until I intended to. It’s confusing. At first, you think, “I can’t stand to go through another day, living with this person, but I certainly don’t want to be divorced.”
And then, you eventually realize how utterly stupid that sounds.
Or else, your kids tell you how utterly stupid that sounds.
Rep. Boebert admits she made some mistakes, and she says she has owned them, and apologized for them. But it has helped her grow, while her supporters in the 3rd District have stood by her. And the relationships that have been cultivated, she tells us, are deeply cherished, and unbreakable.
Unbreakable… except that she appears to be breaking them. Abandoning us for the hungry conservatives in the 4th District. I’m starting to understand how her ex-husband might be feeling.
Here’s Part Three. The American people are struggling with groceries, inflation, utility bills, and other monthly expenses that were fueled by Biden’s spending spree. So true.
Whenever I go into City Market and I look at the price of Rice Krispies, I curse Joe Biden, under my breath. And cat food… has anyone seen the price of cat food lately? Joe Biden’s spending spree has been a terrible thing for our country.
So maybe I should be happy for Lauren. She’s moving to the 4th Congressional District (wherever that might be?) and she will be bringing the fight directly to them. Oh, the joy of battle!
And the Aspen donors, and George Soros, and the Hollywood actors, who are trying to buy the District 3 seat? Well, as she says, they can go pound sand. They won’t be able to pound Rep. Boebert, because she’ll be somewhere else.
Near the end of her announcement, Lauren Boebert says she loves me. But I don’t think she means it, the way I took it at first. I think she means, she loves my dedication to conservative ideology. Not me, personally.
That makes the divorce easier to handle.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.