READY, FIRE, AIM: Carbon-Neutral Eggs, Scrambled

I enjoyed the story about carbon-neutral eggs, shared here in the Daily Post last week.

Not only are the eggs certified as carbon-neutral, the farming methods are reportedly humane.

I’m speaking here, as a big fan of chickens, and eggs. Especially as we approach the Easter holidays. Easter would not be the same without eggs.

If the Easter eggs could be carbon-neutral this year, that would be a big plus, in my humble opinion. But I guess that depends on the Easter Bunny, and his particular political leanings.

I’ve never been exactly clear about where Mr. Bunny stands on the issue of climate change. I’ve always assumed he was a Democrat, based on his habit of handing out free stuff — eggs, chocolate, marshmallow chicks, jelly beans, and so on — to people who probably didn’t earn them.

Democrats love to give stuff away. It’s a great way to make yourself popular among the people who didn’t have to pay for the stuff.

Although you can also become pretty darn popular by claiming that science is a hoax, as we’ve seen recently. And by talking endlessly about draining the swamp, and by making fun of Democrats and the Lamestream Media.

I hope no one thinks the Daily Post is part of the Lamestream Media, just because of an innocent little article about humane chicken farming.

I also hope everyone knows I’m not one of those wing-nut commentators who thinks science is a hoax, in spite of everything I’ve written over the past ten years.

Unfortunately, it turns out that carbon-neutral eggs are only carbon-neutral when they first pop out of the chicken. (The chicken being also carbon-neutral.) Once the eggs start making the journey to your kitchen, they become ‘tainted goods’, in terms of their carbon-neutrality.

First, they get transported in big, smelly, diesel-burning trucks…

…and then they get refrigerated. Refrigerators being anything but carbon-neutral. I found an article in the Lamestream Media claiming that refrigerators are responsible for 6% of the world’s CO2 pollution. (If you can believe that.)

Then, of course, you have to cook them. More CO2. I personally cook my eggs on a gas stove. You can control the heat perfectly with a gas stove. I don’t know who invented electric stoves, but whoever it was, I hope they are ashamed of themselves.

Now, I see where a commissioner with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission named Richard Trumka Jr. has called gas stoves a “hidden hazard.” A hazard to your health, and a hazard to the planet.

From NBC News:

“Products that can’t be made safe can be banned,” Trumka said, adding the commission could also consider imposing new emissions standards on the appliances.

Trumka is one of several commissioners on the Consumer Product Safety Commission, who apparently has no appreciation for a properly-cooked omelet.

I sure hope the Easter Bunny doesn’t read the news in the Lamestream Media, regardless of his political leanings.

He might decide to just pack it all in.

Louis Cannon

Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.