I’m not sure why Democrats stole my car last week. It needed a new transmission. It didn’t even run.
To tell the truth, I have to wonder how they stole my car. It had been sitting in the driveway for the past month, and I hadn’t heard back from my ex-wife Darlene, about the $3,000 she might want to loan me… since it used to be her car. Fact is, the car wasn’t even worth $3,000, so I can certainly understand why she hasn’t responded to my emails.
But it was probably worth maybe $200, for parts? Heck, the tires cost me $60 each, when they were new.
But then our Daily Post editor forwarded me an email from the Colorado GOP Press Office, and everything started to make sense.
The press release was written by Joe Jackson, and began like this:
Colorado’s Record-High Auto Thefts Directly Tied to Democrats
A new study released by the Common Sense Institute shows that Colorado is on track to set an all-time-high in motor vehicle thefts in 2022. By January 2022, Colorado was already #1 in the nation for auto theft.
Despite promises from Governor Jared Polis to make Colorado one of the “top 10 safest states in the nation” in his State of the State address, Colorado’s crime tsunami has only gotten worse. Since that promise from the Governor, our auto theft rate has increased another 17.2%.
It’s common knowledge that Democrats have been stealing elections… but I hadn’t really put two-and-two together, to realize that they are also stealing our cars.
As my dad used to say, once a thief, always a thief.
Would a Republican steal a car? No way, José.
Republicans believe in individual responsibility. If you don’t have a car that runs, you don’t blame the government — you blame yourself.
But if someone steals your car, you blame the Democrats. Especially, you blame the Democrats who want to make Colorado into one of the “top 10 safest states in the nation,” and then utterly fail.
The thing is, I totally understand why Democrats would want to steal my car. It’s about climate change. Which Democrats believe in. The fewer cars, the less greenhouse gas. If I know anything about Democrats, they are probably stealing our cars and converting them to electric cars. That’s exactly the kind of thing Democrats would dream up.
Electric cars don’t need a transmission. They just need an “on-off” switch. And lots of AA batteries.
Once the cars are converted to electric, they are probably selling them on the black market, to fund their political campaigns, which promise a safer Colorado.
I hear 2022 campaign expenditures, like Colorado auto thefts, are record-high. Obviously, there’s a connection to be found, if we can find it.
Looking on the bright side — something I always try to do — they might have saved Darlene $3,000.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.