There, I’ve thrown down the gauntlet. Whatever a gauntlet is? I don’t really care what a gauntlet is; it’s been thrown down.
It’s me against Climate Change, and I’m gonna do some ass whoopin’. Along with any friends who want to help out.
Climate Change has been throwing his weight around like he owns this planet. But last I looked, people like you and me owned the planet, or at the very least, had a 30-year mortgage on it.
The harder they come, the harder they fall. And Climate Change has been coming on hard. Comparatively speaking. Maybe not as hard as, say, Vladimir Putin, or Elon Musk. But still, pretty darn hard.
I haven’t actually reached out to my friends yet, to see if anyone wants to join me… and I might be imagining things, to actually think that they would step up to the plate and take a swing at Climate Change. Fact is, most of my friends are only Facebook friends. They seem to care more about their own private lives than about Climate. What they’re planning to cook for dinner, for example. The new dining room table they got at a garage sale last Saturday. Their search for a bear-proof garbage can. Their dogs. A lot of my friends spend a lot of time taking pictures of their dogs, and posting comments about their dogs.
Really, folks, the dog is going to be fine. Dogs enjoy hot weather.
I know there are plenty of people out there, who are carrying signs, making speeches, and protesting, and I’m willing to bet some of them would be more than happy to kick some Climate Change butt with me. That girl, Greta Thunberg, for example. I understand she started the ‘Fridays for Future’ movement, where school kids play hooky every Friday to hang out in the park, or wherever, holding signs that say things like:
“Climut Change is Killing Us”.
That’s what happens when you cut school every Friday… even for a good cause. You never learn how to spell “Climate”.
I admit I played hooky a few times, back in my high school days, but never for anything political. And I rarely got in fights at school. But if I had known then what I know now — about Climate Change — I would have been working on my ass-kicking skills.
Truth of the matter is, I was pretty much a wimp in high school. I didn’t even try out for the football team, or the wrestling team. I played tennis. And not very well. I realize now that I should have been making friends with the tough guys. The ones who smoked and greased their hair, and carried pocket knives. Those are kind of friends you really need at a time like this.
But as someone much wiser than me once said, “No use crying over spilled milk.”
So I’m not crying. I’m working out at the gym. Getting myself in shape. I signed up for Taekwondo.
The part I’m not clear about, however, is where to find this guy, Climate Change. Some news reports make it sound like he lives here in America, but other reports seem to have him living in China.
I really can’t afford a trip to China. I was kinda hoping that he lived close by. Maybe in Denver? Or Albuquerque?
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.