Obviously, I was born in the wrong place: Colorado.
It didn’t have to be this way.
My mom and dad could easily have moved to Ohio before I was born, and I could have attended public school in Columbus, or Toledo… and gone to college at Kent State or Youngstown… and then landed a job writing humor articles for the Akron Beacon or the Cincinnati Enquirer. I could have gotten happily married to a pretty nurse who worked at Kettering Medical Center, who would have supported me financially while my writing career developed. (She would have fully appreciated how difficult it is to make a living, writing humor articles.)
But none of these hypothetical events took place, and I ended up stranded here in Colorado, where you have to buy your own lottery tickets.
Not so, in Ohio. In Ohio, you only need to get vaccinated to have a chance at $1 million in the ‘Vax-a-Million Lottery’.
From the IndyStar, May 13, 2021:
With 42 percent of Ohioans who have received at least one dose of the vaccination and the number of first shots given having declined nearly 80% since a peak of 485,860 doses given during the first week of April, Ohio is facing a serious question.
How to get more people vaccinated?
Ohio Governor Mike DeWine outlined a plan Tuesday night as he offered five $1 million prizes to adults who have been vaccinated, and five full-ride scholarships to state schools to teens who get vaccinated.
In order to get entered into the lottery, you have to be at least 18 years, have submitted to at least one COVID shot, and be an Ohio resident.
You let them stab you, here in Colorado, and all you get is maybe a slight fever.
Meanwhile, Republican Governor DeWine has also announced that, although he’s willing to hand out $5 million in lottery winnings skimmed off the federal American Rescue Plan money, he’s also willing deny unemployed Ohio workers the extra $300 a week provided by the feds, starting on June 26. This move makes Ohio the latest Republican-led state to reject the federal unemployment help; other states include Alabama, Arkansas, Mississippi, Montana, South Carolina and Wyoming.
We note that Colorado is not in this list. Almost makes me wish I was unemployed. I ought to get some kind of perks for staying here in Colorado.
“That extra $300 a week in federal pandemic unemployment compensation is, in some cases, certainly discouraging people from going back at this point in time,” Governor DeWine told reporters, and stated that employers in retail, restaurants, manufacturing and other sectors have told him they’re struggling to find workers.
Governor DeWine seems to be wearing blinders. The workers aren’t hesitating to go back to work on account of $300. They’re all expecting to win the $1 million the governor has decided to hand out.
Who wants to wash plates, when you can become a millionaire just by getting poked with a needle once or twice?
Like I said, I could have been born in Ohio, if my parents had been thinking about my future. But now it’s too late. I already got my shots.
A slight fever. Wasted.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.