READY, FIRE, AIM: Handing Out Candy… and Fungi

Photograph by Amber Dawn Bowyer, @seabrookbowyerimagery.

I noticed, among last week’s Daily Post articles, an announcement of the upcoming ‘Halloween Hootenanny’ scheduled for October 29 in Yamaguchi Park.

Fireworks. Trick-or-treating. Live music. Beer garden. Food trucks. Kids carnival.

Almost everything you’d want from a small-town Halloween event.

Granted, the fireworks are left-overs from the Fourth of July, when we were still under fire restrictions. Not sure how great ‘left-over’ fireworks will look? Guess we’ll find out.

Maybe they’ll look better… if you’ve been eating a lot of sugar?

A quote from that news article:

Annual Trick-or-Treating and Kids’ Carnival. This annual event is sponsored by the Town of Pagosa Springs Parks and Recreation Department and includes loads of fun and candy for kids. Stop by and visit several stops along the way and collect candy and treats at Yamaguchi Park. Noon to 2pm at Yamaguchi Park.

Loads of fun, and loads of candy. Funded by your tax dollars.

I was going to include a link, here, to an article about childhood diabetes, but I changed my mind.  But really, who are we fooling?  We all know that refined sugar is one of the most addictive chemicals known to science.  Ask any four-year-old girl if sugar is bad for her, and she will readily admit it. 

A four-year-old boy, by contrast, will likely run away without answering, and then turn and stick out his tongue at you.  The tongue will be bright red, from sucking on Red Vines.

Halloween in America wasn’t always like this, of course. Prior to the 1930s, young trick-or-treaters knocking on neighborhood doors were most often gifted with fruit, nuts, popcorn and pennies. Non-addictive substances. (Except maybe the pennies were mildly addictive.)

But in the 1950s, big name candy manufacturers — Hershey, Mars, Reese’s and the rest — got involved in the celebration, and today, Americans spend an estimated $3.1 billion on Halloween candy, according to the National Retail Federation.

Roughly the same amount we spend treating heroin addiction here in the U.S., if you’re a person who enjoys comparisons.

Which brings to mind — for this humor columnist — Proposition 122, a semi-subversive proposal that appears on your November ballot.

Proposition 122 would allow me to legally possess and eat psilocybin mushrooms, a class of psychedelic fungi shown to be useful in the treatment of mental disorders. (I’m not going to get into reasons why I might want to ingest this fungus fruit, because the Fifth Amendment protects me from self-incrimination.)

Proposition 122 will not allow the sale of psilocybin mushrooms, but it will allow me to share said mushrooms with friends and family. (Who may or may not have mental disorders, but again, let’s not go there.)

But Proposition 122 will not allow me to share said mushrooms with anyone under the age of 21. (Who likewise may or may not have mental disorders.)

But I can give candy to children. And so can our local town governments.

$3.1 billion worth.

Louis Cannon

Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.