The following conversation was overheard at a local coffee shop earlier this week.
A: I think the flavor of this coffee has gone downhill since the Trade War started.
B: Really? I don’t think they grow coffee in China.
C: Yeah, coffee is grown in, like, Columbia. Or Ethiopia. We’re not having a trade war with Ethiopia.
A: I think Sumatra is in China. This coffee might be from Sumatra. And the flavor has definitely gone downhill.
C: So you want to blame Donald Trump because your coffee tastes different? If you were complaining about tofu, maybe you would have a point. But I’m tired of people blaming Trump for the flavor of their coffee.
B: She’s not blaming Trump. She’s blaming the Trade War.
A: And just so you know, I hate tofu.
C: Well, you know, it’s not a simple thing to make America great again, and if we have to drink bad coffee for a few years, that’s a small price to pay.
A: I’m just worried that this trade war thing is going to get out of hand.
B: I agree. Like… is Trump going to start putting tariffs on stuff from Colorado? I would hate to start paying a tariff on marijuana.
C: You can’t put tariffs on things from inside the US. It’s only a trade war with China.
B: And Canada. And Mexico. And the European Union. And India. I think there’s tariffs on all kinds of stuff coming from everywhere. Where is it written that he can’t put tariffs on marijuana?
C: It’s probably in the Constitution. But don’t quote me on that.
A: Trump doesn’t like Colorado, because we voted for Hillary. He might be holding a grudge. And he seems to be making up the rules as he goes along.
B: All I know is the tariffs are making everything more expensive. It’s like Trump has put this big sales tax on anything imported, so he can use the money to build his border wall, I guess, and we get to pay for it with higher prices. And bad coffee.
A: I don’t even smoke marijuana. So I’m not worried about that. It’s the coffee.
B: And the iPhones. They all come from China. I wouldn’t even know there was a trade war without my iPhone.
C: And see, that’s exactly the problem. We’ve all gotten so dependent in China, we imagine that everything comes from there.
A: You mean it doesn’t?
C: Of course it doesn’t. Apples come from Washington. Lettuce comes from California.
A: I never eat apples. Or lettuce.
C: Those are just examples.
B: I would never compare an iPhone to a head of lettuce. They’re in totally different categories. Lettuce, you can take it or leave it. But an iPhone is a necessity.
A: And coffee is a necessity.
C: And a trade war is a necessity. We can’t let China walk all over us.
A: China never walked on me.
B: Yeah, they made our iPhones for us. How is that walking on us? Isn’t it more like, making our lives bearable?
C: If you’re going to let iPhones and coffee dominate your life, then we’ll never have a border wall, and the Mexicans will be taking your jobs. It’s all interconnected.
A: Well, I just wish our coffee was grown in China. I bet we wouldn’t be having a trade war, if our coffee were grown in China.
B: So true. So true.