I wrote last month about some words and phrases commonly misused (or abused) by people who really ought to know better. And since I happen to know better, it becomes my duty to address the problem.
Today, a few more of those problematic words and phrases.
Whatever: A word used as dismissal, indifference or exasperation, blah, blah, blah.
This trendy word has lately become totally cringeworthy. It drives me nuts when used apathetically to reply to a question that requires a more thoughtful answer: “What would you like for dinner, schnookums?” Answer: “Whatever.”
She should just say what she means: “I don’t give a crap.” At least that’s honest.
Sometimes the word can be used as a weapon: “I really love you, my little kumquat!” Answer: “Whatever.” Ouch! That’s cruel. She should use a little tact, like: “I love you as a friend.”
“Do you realize you voted for a man who’s destroying our country?” Reply: “Whatever.”
Just sayin’: A phrase that supposedly excuses you for what you just said.
“Wow, Marsha! I sure would like to shake-the-sheets with you. Just sayin’.”
He’s 80 years young: A phony compliment that generates a phony smile.
You just called your grandpa young. He’s not! He’s wearing adult diapers and has no idea who you are. You should say something like: “You don’t look half bad… for an old geezer.” Or perhaps you should say something warm and fuzzy: “Dude. It’d be rad if I could be one of your pallbearers. Just sayin’.”
I suppose the phrase might have some merit. Go ahead and call the old fart “80 years young” since you call little Bobbie “5 years old.”
That’s what I like to hear: What an uncaring jerk says when he only wants be on his way.
We’ve all heard the overbearing clod say to complete strangers: “How ya doing, buddy? And the stranger replies: “I’m doin’ good.” Then the clod says: “That’s what I like to hear!” Believe me, he doesn’t give a rat’s ass how you’re doing. Had the stranger said. “Well, I’m not doin’ that well… my dog died this morning.” The jerk would probably say: “Whatever.”
Did Q send you?: A polite way of saying, “Are you out of your fricking mind?”
When the person replies: “Why, yes! Q did send me…” leave the area quickly!
Can I share something with you?: A New Age request that implies you’re about to have an annoying conversation with an idiotic space cadet.
Right off the bat, you will not be ‘sharing’ anything with her. The question is deliberately misleading. What Moonbeam really means to say is, “Listen up, buster! I’ve got something to say to you and you’re not gonna like it.” If she wants to share something, she should offer you a piece of her veggie, gluten-free flatbread. Otherwise, tell her to have a nice day, and oh, yeah… live long and prosper. (Not.)
I’m an old soul: Someone who believes that they have been reincarnated many times and have reached a state of perfection here on earth.
I think you know the type. These are the self-righteous people who actually think they have experienced many past lives. And now they consider themselves spiritually enlightened… wise men and women. They are “old souls” existing on a higher plane than the rest of us “immature” souls. Well, la-di-da! When someone lays this line of crap on me, I usually say: “I’m happy for you; you’re really awesome! But this is my first time through… I’m a young soul. So speak a little slower.”
The Grammar Police: A term used to describe individuals who are very strict about grammar rules and often correct others’ language usage.
In America, our English is changing rapidly. What was improper grammar ten years ago is now quite acceptable. Either get used to the changes or risk being called an old fuddy-duddy.
Case in point: I was in Santa Fe at a fancy store on the Plaza when a tourist walked up to a salesperson and twanged, “Can you tell me where Canyon Road’s at?” The outraged saleslady replied, “Sir, we in Santa Fe do not end our sentences with a preposition!”
The tourist apologized and said, “Well then, let me rephrase that. Can you tell me where Canyon Road’s at, asshole.”
Transparency: The general tendency to conduct government business in plain sight.
To some of our politicians, it means being corrupt in plain sight.
Woke: Being aware of and actively attentive to important issues, particularly those related to racial and social justice.
It’s often used in both positive and negative contexts, depending on one’s political perspective. To liberals, ‘woke’ is a term emphasizing DEI: diversity, equity and inclusion. To MAGA it’s a four-letter word that triggers NCP: nausea, cramps and vomiting.
Dropping a ball: In golf, this refers to the procedure a player must follow when taking relief from certain situations on the course, such as when the ball is in an unplayable position or in a penalty area.
Donald Trump was reportedly caught cheating on one of his golf courses in Scotland. A camera captured one of his caddies, walking ahead of him, illegally dropping a ball in a desirable spot for President Truthful. (“He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie.”)
Buyer’s Remorse: I voted for Trump.
Buyer Beware: We warned you!
Trust me: A phrase used by unscrupulous politicians and used car salesmen to hoodwink unsuspecting citizens.
Trump might be the most trustworthy president that this country has ever known! And if you don’t believe me, just ask him.
Self-deprecating: Sometimes the truth hurts.
I could have been one of the world’s greatest journalists… if I had talent.
Whatever!
DC has been a frustrated musician for over fifty years, and now has decided to become a frustrated writer. Learn more at DCDuncan.com. He’ll keep you posted.