Photo: Sailors assigned to Explosive Ordnance Disposal Group 2 recover a portion of a Chinese balloon from the Atlantic. U.S. Navy Photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Tyler Thompson.
To protect our freedoms, the U.S. House of Representatives would like to make it illegal for me to view cat videos, using the phone app known as ‘TikTok’.
At least, that’s what I’ve come to understand from reading the news.
The ’21st Century Peace through Strength Act’ would force the split of the hugely popular app TikTok from its Chinese owner, or else make the app illegal to download. Apparently, 170 million Americans use the app.
So, like, half the population of our country.
While promoting the Act last week, Rep. Michael McCaul, chair of the House Committee on Foreign Affairs, likened TikTok to having a “spy balloon in your phone.”
I think I would know if I had a spy balloon in my phone.
The Chinese spy balloon that the Air Force shot down last year was enormous. I found this comparison picture on Wikipedia.
The drawing shows the relative size of the Chinese spy balloon compared to the F-22 fighter jet that shot down the balloon on February 4, 2023, and also the Sidewinder AIM-9X missile used in the mission, and also a “human being” who is 1.8 meters tall. And of course, the Statue of Liberty.
Why is the Statue of Liberty in this drawing? Because we are talking here about freedom.
Like the freedom to watch cat videos.
At the top of the page, our editor has included a photo of some Navy guys pulling the wreckage of the Chinese spy balloon out of the ocean, off the coast of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.
Obviously, even a spy balloon that has been properly deflated by a $500,000 Sidewinder missile could not fit into my phone. The Navy guys can barely fit it into a large boat.
But I don’t expect a Congressman to make sense when he talks about legislation. I expect hyperbole.
Nor do I expect a Congressman to remind us that our phones are constantly sending out information — even when we think they’re turned off? — and that the information is being collected by, and shared with, thousands of private companies and with our own government.
Our phones are not Chinese spy balloons. They’re American spy balloons.
“If you’re worried about privacy, as I know you are extremely worried about that, and if we don’t think Congress should be using TikTok, why in the world would we let our children use it or the American people?” Rep. McCaul said to House Rules Committee member Rep. Thomas Massie during a Thursday hearing.
Well, he has posed the question. Why in the world would Congress let our children use TikTok?
Because it’s really fun to watch.
And because this is the land of the free, and the home of the brave. We let our children do lots of dangerous things. We let them carry guns, for example.
Maybe TikTok sends spy information to China. What does Rep. McCaul think the Chinese will do with it? Sure, someone in a tech center in Beijing can find out that my kid is watching cat videos.
Doesn’t Congress have better things to worry about?
If the Chinese really want to know something about Americans, they can buy the information from Google or Apple or Facebook. Facebook is more than happy to sell my information.
No balloon required.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.