Joe’s making a big mistake.
Not that I’m immune to making my own mistakes, but I don’t think I’ve ever made one as big as the one Joe Biden is making.
Rumor has it that Joe has ordered all federal employees to get fully vaccinated. (I refer to everything published in the mainstream media as ‘rumor’. The Daily Post is not mainstream media. Not by a long shot.) But that wasn’t bad enough; he also extended vaccine mandates to federal contractors, healthcare workers, and companies that employ 100 or more workers. At least, that’s the rumor.
The President might have used these words:
“Tonight, I’m announcing that the Department of Labor is developing an emergency rule to require all employers with 100 or more employees… to ensure their workers are fully vaccinated, or show a negative test at least once a week. Some of the biggest companies are already requiring this. United Airlines. Disney. Tyson’s Food. And even FOX News…”
(FOX News? You can see, now, why I’m using the word ‘rumor’. I mean, what are the chances FOX News is really requiring vaccinations?)
Luckily, this mandate will not apply to me, because the Daily Post has less than 100 employees. I say, ‘luckily’ because I don’t like people telling me what to do, even if they’re the President and drive a fancy car.
Another rumor is that South Carolina’s governor, Henry McMaster, has promised to fight Mr. Biden and his party “to the gates of hell.” Seems to me, we’re pretty close to the gates of hell already, so maybe Governor McMaster won’t have to fight too hard.
I’m the kind of person who, when you tell me what to do, I will do just the opposite. Apparently, Governor McMaster has a similar personality. Which is not to say I would be willing to fight President Biden to the gates of hell, but I support Governor McMaster doing it. I will cheer him on, from a safe distance.
I had the same kind of problem when I was married. Darlene would make some kind of demand, like, “Stop leaving your dirty socks on the dining room table!”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” I would warn her. Nicely, at first.
“Okay, then, I won’t,” Darlene might say. “I will just throw them in the garbage whenever I find them there.”
Like that was going to solve anything? (And truth be told, it didn’t solve anything.)
What Darlene should have said was, “Louis, whenever you have dirty socks, you must leave them on the dining room table, or else.”
I would have said, “Or else what?”
And you can be sure I would never leave any dirty socks — or dirty anything — on the dining room table. How Darlene lasted through 25 years of marriage without figuring this out, I will never know.
And apparently, Joe Biden has also not learned this lesson. I was actually thinking about getting the shot, probably next week, but now I am definitely not going to get it. Not that I’m working for the federal government, or for a company with 100 or more employees… so the executive order doesn’t apply to me. But out of solidarity with all those millions of people who are having their rights trampled on.
Plus, I don’t like shots. I especially don’t like shots if someone is telling me what to do.
Which is one of the reasons I’m still working at the Daily Post, after 10 years. (The longest I’ve ever held the same job.) My editor doesn’t ever tell me what to do. If I tell him I’m going to write about Joe Biden’s foolish mandates, he just says, “Okay. That sounds good.” If I tell him I’m going on a ten-day vacation, he says, “Sounds great. Where are you going?”
If I told him I was refusing the vaccine mandate, he would say, “Works for me.” You could almost get the impression he doesn’t care whether I live or die.
No, I take that back. Leave off the “almost.” You definitely get the impression he doesn’t care if I live or die. And the result? I’m constantly busting my butt to impress him, thinking that, some day, he will start acting like he appreciates me.
Like if he told me, “Louis, I really appreciate you, and I want you to get vaccinated, for your own safety…” Man, I would be down at the public health office first thing next morning.
So that’s my advice to Joe Biden. (As if he’s listening.) Just start acting like you don’t care.
Here’s how I would have re-written the speech he was reading off the teleprompter on Thursday:
“We’ve made considerable progress in battling COVID-19. When I became President, about 2 million Americans were fully vaccinated. Today, over 175 million Americans have that protection.
“But I don’t care about the rest of you. Go get vaccinated if you want, and if you don’t want, no skin off my nose. I think every American should be free to choose whether they want the shot, and if you want to get sick and wind up in the hospital, works for me. In fact, if you’re a Republican, it works even better. Fewer people to vote for Donald Trump in 2024? Sounds great!
“I was going to announce a mandate this evening, but now that I think about it, I really don’t want the rest of you to get vaccinated.
“If Disney wants to mandate vaccinations for all their employees, okay by me. I’m just sorry FOX News is making their employees get vaccinated.”
Now, that’s the kind of speech that probably could’ve saved my marriage.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.