You might say that you love your partner, or your family, or your best friend, your job or even your car. Clearly, you’re using the term in different ways that highlight the various dimensions of love…
— from ‘There Are Six Styles of Love. Which One Best Describes You?’ by Dr. Rachel Grieve, on TheConversation.com
I love my cat, Roscoe.
I also love chocolate pudding.
Are these two different types of love?
Some psychologists might try to convince us that there are a variety of love “styles”. Back in 2017, author Rachel Grieve, Senior Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Tasmania, posted a 900-word essay on a conversational website, The Conversation — and if nothing has changed in the intervening four years — she suggests that we can each neatly pigeonhole our experience of “love” as one of six types. If we are so inclined.
The six styles of love: Eros, Storge, Ludus, Pragma, Mania, and Agape.
For example, in Dr. Grieve’s essay, ‘Eros’ is “typically experienced as a romantic, fairytale-type love.” I am thinking of The Little Mermaid. Not the Disney version, with the happy ending; the Hans Christian Andersen version, where the little mermaid falls deeply and steadfastly in love with the prince, but he wants nothing to do with her, so in the end she commits suicide. That kind of fairy tale.
The other styles of love present their own stylistic problems. Take ‘Ludus’, for instance:
People with a ludic style view love as a game that they are playing to win. Often this can be a multiplayer game!
If your preferred style of romantic relationship depends on “having fun” as the primary objective, you are engaging in ludic love, Dr. Grieve tells us. According to Wikipedia, Ludus is a Latin word that, depending on the context, refers to an elementary school serving children up to age 11, or to a training school for gladiators.
Based on those findings, I’m pretty sure my marriage to my ex-wife Darlene involved ‘Ludic Love’.
When Dr. Grieve (yes, that’s her real name) when Dr. Grieve first brought up the “various dimensions of love”, I was hoping she would talk about the difference between loving your cat, and loving chocolate pudding.
Do we really understand the difference?
A discussion about the six styles of ‘romantic love’ is all well and good, if you are unlucky enough to be in an intimate relationship. But for most of us — yes, most of us — our relationships are with cats and pudding.
Even though I can’t claim to be a university-educated psychologist with a PhD after my name, I’m more than willing to tackle the issue:
The Six Styles of Non-romantic Love.
Felinus: This style of love, loosely based on a Latin word for “cat”, refers to the neurosis that develops when you live on a diet of beans and rice, because you’re spending almost your entire paycheck buying expensive treats and toys for a domesticated animal who doesn’t really care if you live or die, but who will suddenly become your best friend whenever you’re participating in Zoom meeting. Not to be confused with ‘Caninus’ love, with is a totally different animal, so to speak.
Caninus: I had to include this one because I know some of you are ‘dog people’. You’re experiencing ‘Caninus’ style of love if you’re dragging yourself out of bed at 6:30am so you get in a 30-minute walk through the neighborhood before heading off to work, and your pockets are constantly full of green plastic poop bags. Another sure sign: your furniture is covered with dog hair.
Epidipnis: Chocolate pudding occupies a especially warm place in my heart (even though it is ideally served cold) but ‘Epidipnis’ style of love can be applied to any kind of sweet dessert. Ice cream. Apple pie. Deep-fried Twinkies. Similar to ‘Ludus Love’ between humans, ‘Epidipnis Love’ should not become a daily habit, but be practiced instead on special occasions. As a famous person once wrote, we need the sweet pain of anticipation to tell us we are really alive. Anticipating chocolate pudding is the sweetest type of pain.
Currus: ‘Currus’ is Latin for ‘chariot’, ‘carriage’, or ‘plow with wheels.’ In modern America, our ‘chariots’ are often objects of love and affection, especially among the male of the species. Characterized by obsessive washing and waxing of the chariot, and expenditures on custom chrome wheels and other accessories. Often confused with ‘Caninus Love’… when you have your dog riding in the back of your pickup.
Praestino: Love of shopping, especially an eagerness for constantly making new purchases of superfluous items. One curious behavioral characteristic of women — er, I mean, people in general — who suffer from ‘Preastino Love’ is that their purchases are typically unnecessary. Victims usually feel pleasure or relief when they give in to their urges, but then regret it afterwards, leading to deep feelings of blame and discomfort. Similar to romantic love between people, in other words.
Lingulaca: Love of hearing yourself talk. I confess I know nothing about this, at all.