The three wise guys arrived unannounced on December 28, which caused Mary and Joseph to scramble a bit, getting the stables prettied up as best they could. The visiting astrologers, dressed up in fancy robes, sat around on bales of hay, discussing politics and sports. Mary thought they could have lent a hand, but she wasn’t one of those feminist types that feels comfortable chiding important-looking men when they leave all the physical work to the women.
Thank goodness Joseph wasn’t that type of man.
When the place looked halfway decent, Joseph offered the visitors some warm, fresh-squeezed milk and some chocolate chip cookies that Mary had whipped up on the spur of the moment.
“So, we hear you’re a carpenter, Joseph,” said the visitor named Gaspar.
“Well, technically I’m still an apprentice. My dad is the real carpenter,” Joseph confessed. “But I work at it. Hopefully, someday, I’ll have my union card.”
“Ah, yes, the good old union card,” Gaspar smiled. “The sign of worldly success…”
The visitor named Melchior quickly changed the subject, before things got too political. “Nice neighborhood you have here in Bethlehem. Reminds me of my old home town. Before all the immigrants moved in.”
Joseph explained that he and Mary didn’t actually live in Bethlehem; they’d just come to participate in the census that King Herod had ordered.
“Well, in fact, that’s main reason we stopped by,” explained the one named Balthazar. “We noticed that you’ve whipped up a nice little wooden sign?”
“That was Mary’s idea,” Joseph said, patting Mary on her knee. “What with the virgin birth, and all the messages we got from various angels, she felt like people ought to know about the baby. She calls him, ‘The Newborn King’. She says our baby is pretty special, and I kind of agree with her. So I carved that little sign to go above the manger…”
“You have a real knack with a chisel,” Gaspar noted. “But we’re not so sure… the three of us have talked it over pretty thoroughly, and we… we actually have some inside knowledge about King Herod. He’s not… now, I hope you won’t repeat this…”
“It’s just between the five of us,” said Balthazar, interrupting. “And of course the donkey and the other animals, but we’re pretty sure they won’t be talking!”
The three visitors laughed politely.
Then Melchior became suddenly serious. “King Herod… well, you really can’t trust anything he says or does. He’s kind of… self-centered, shall he say? Narcissistic?”
“More like a sociopath, to be completely honest about it,” offered Gaspar. “Did I really say that? Ha.”
“It’s not funny,” Melchior continued. “”Bottom line is, he doesn’t like the idea of other people calling themselves ‘King of the Jews.’ In fact, we think he has a thing against Jews in general. We strongly suggest… that you lose the pretty little wooden sign. And you probably don’t even want to talk about your baby to anyone. In fact, we strongly recommend that you pack up your little donkey and…”
“Take a vacation,” said Balthazar, finishing his friend’s sentence and his cookie at the same time. “A little vacation. Someplace pleasant. Maybe Egypt? Egypt is very nice, this time of year. You know, get out of the snow.”
Melchior continued. “When you open the gifts we brought — and really, there’s no need to send a thank-you note; we know how hectic it is having a new baby — you probably want to just quickly sell the stuff, and use the money for your… your vacation.”
“Just a pleasant little vacation,” Gaspar smiled.
“Until things blow over,” Balthazar added.
There was an awkward silence. Joseph looked at Mary, and Mary looked at Joseph.
“Did everyone get enough cookies?” she asked.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.