Colorado state health experts are rolling out plans for the three phases of the state’s COVID-19 vaccination program… Maybe the largest group in Colorado will be in Phase 2…
— from an article posted by Denver CBS Channel 4
I’m thanking my lucky stars that Colorado’s state health experts have decided to include “the largest group” in Phase 2 of the vaccine roll-out.
When I first heard about the three phases, and the initial vaccine shortages, and the complications with getting the vaccine to the people who need it most, I was deathly afraid I would end up at the end of the line, so to speak. But now that the details have been released, I’m pretty confident I can fit into the largest group. Even though I’m having trouble fitting into my clothes.
The first round of vaccines here in Colorado is going to healthcare workers, which I completely understand and support. We definitely want nurses and doctors to be in the best health possible, so they can administer the vaccines to the rest of us. We don’t want car mechanics administering the vaccine shots, for heaven’s sake.
But after the healthcare workers get the first shot at the shot, Colorado will more into the second phase, which will aim to vaccinate those with underlying health conditions… and other high-risk groups. One of the groups in Phase 2 will be “people who are at an elevated risk of getting very sick or dying of COVID-19, including any adult age 65 and older, as well as adults of any age with obesity…”
I am unfortunately not “age 65 and over” (which is a mixed blessing, I suppose) but I’m pretty confident — what with Thanksgiving behind me, and the Christmas holidays on the horizon — I will get myself into the “obesity” group without too much effort.
Like so many of my friends who’ve been staying safer at home during the pandemic, I’ve been making hourly tours of the refrigerator and kitchen cabinets, mostly to keep my mind off the lack of social interaction. And with the help of Little Debbie, those hourly tours have been quite productive. Back in April, when all the toilet paper disappeared, I came to the conclusion that Little Debbie Happy Camper Cakes were probably next to go. So I bought up every single box I could find… from every single store in town.
I ended up with 487 boxes of Happy Camper Cakes. It was a self-fulfilling prophesy. Just like I predicted, every store in town was devoid of Happy Camper Cakes. But only because I had bought them all.
Naturally, this little shopping spree put a dent in my wallet. (Not literally. It’s a leather wallet, and you can’t actually put a “dent” in it.) Fact is, I ended up spending pretty much all of my unemployment checks on Happy Camper Cakes.
To make a long story short, I ended up eating my Little Debbie cakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner for three straight months, and I gained 45 pounds. Then Thanksgiving weekend arrived, and I put on another 12 pounds. I assume that will put me safely into the “obesity” category — and first in line for Phase 2, as part of “the largest group in Colorado”. (I was already a bit overweight. Well, actually, quite a bit overweight.) But none of the news articles about Colorado’s vaccination plan have explained exactly what is meant by the word “obesity”. Does that mean, “fat”… or does it mean “really fat”?
I don’t consider myself a pessimist, but I also don’t like to do things halfway, so I’ve made an “early” New Year’s Resolution to add another 25 pounds over the Christmas holidays.
Should be a piece of cake.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.