Ah, yes. I remember 1976.
People were still booking flights on airplanes, and the stewardesses still felt free to hit on the passengers… assuming the stewardess in question had been safely sucking on a CERTS, the breath mint with the golden drop of Retsyn.
I confess to being a CERTS addict at one point. But ‘social distancing’ has helped me break the habit. I have no idea if anyone is still buying breath mints… now that the novel coronavirus has allowed us to keep a six-foot distance from everyone without feeling the slightest bit guilty about it.
The candy industry might be feeling the pinch, however. Reportedly, the Hershey’s company is switching its factories over to produce more chocolate and less “mint-fresh” candy varieties, knowing full well that candy can get pretty stale if it sits too long on the grocery store shelf.
In an effort to move its overstock of ‘Ice Breakers’ breath mints during the pandemic, Hershey’s has started a clever marketing campaign to “Mint Before You Mask” — reminding us that, “Mask breath, it’s real…”
I hadn’t heard about “mask breath” until I saw this advertisement, but it sounds worse than COVID-19. I wonder if they have a test for it? Or maybe you have to self-diagnose?
Anyway, I became curious about the remarkable “cooling crystals” that candy companies like Hershey’s and CERTS mix into their candies. I’d been hearing, for example, about that “golden drop of Retsyn” since I was a kid, and I guess I always assumed that “Retsyn” was a real thing… and that it was in fact “golden”… even though CERTS are white with green flecks. In the CERTS commercials from the 1980s, the golden drop of Retsyn always fell from some mysterious height (from Heaven?) and disappeared into the embossed mint, leaving no trace of residue. Which was somehow compelling and wonderful. (Did I mention I was once an addict?)
In some of the commercials, the drop was said to be “glistening.”
Turns out, when you visit Wikipedia, that the glistening, golden drop of Retsyn is a mix of “partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil” and flavoring. Bits of copper gluconate are added, to supply the green flecks in the candy and make you think that pieces of actual mint had been baked in. (Which is what I always thought.)
Something that I didn’t realize: CERTS are no longer available in grocery stores. The FDA decided in 2018 to no longer allow partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil in food products. Seems we had been poisoning ourselves since 1958.
But you can still buy CERTS on eBay. This package of three rolls of the classic mints will run you $24.99 (With FREE shipping.)
Note to the unwary: these candies are possibly past their expiration date, and are not recommended for human consumption.
Est. Delivery Wed, Jul 22 – Mon, Jul 27.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.