HUMOR: Get a College Degree; Live a Long, Boring Life

Most of us realize that a lack of education can be a real disadvantage in life. When playing Scrabble, for instance.

Now, four well-educated researchers hailing from the University of Colorado Denver, New York University, and the University of North Carolina have attempted to use old, worn-out statistics in an entirely new way to prove that a lack of education can be deadly. Yes, deadly. You could die.

The research (?) was published on the PLOS (Public Library of Science) website. From a summary in the July 9 Denver Post:

Lack of education might be as bad for your health as smoking, says a University of Colorado Denver study released Wednesday… Researchers examined population data going back to 1925 to see how education levels affected mortality rates of more than a million people ages 25 to 85 in 2010. They found a direct link.
 
Education is a strong predictor of several contributing factors, including higher income, healthier behaviors and social and psychological well-being, the study says… In the U.S., more than 10 percent of adults ages 25 to 34 don’t have a high school diploma and 28.5 percent have some college education but no bachelor’s degree.

(Note to readers. This Denver Post statement might cause one to mistakenly assume that 100 − 28.5 = 71.5 percent of Americans age 25-34 have at least a bachelor’s degree. According to the US Census, only 30 percent of Americans over age 25 have earned a bachelor’s degree.)

The four well-educated researchers determined that 145,243 deaths could have been prevented in 2010 if adults who hadn’t completed high school had gone on to earn a diploma or equivalent. Assuming, of course, that jobs had actually been available for these additional imaginary graduates; unfortunately, the unemployment rate for high school graduates is currently 5.4 percent, up from 3.7 percent in early 2001.

What the researchers also failed to mention is that too much of a good thing is not a good thing. Including too much education. According to National Occupational Mortality Surveillance data, white male physicians are 1.9 times more likely to commit suicide than your typical (under-educated) American. Among white female physicians, the rate is 2.4 times the average.

Dentists come in a close second.

But just comparing a bunch numbers from 1925 and claiming “a direct link” to lifespan and health is simply bad science, no matter how many college degrees the UCDenver researchers might have earned. (Or might not have earned.)

10LongBoringLifeDeskJob

Statisticians have known for many years that a worker’s average lifespan is directly linked — not to their education — but to whether they sit at a desk for 40 hours a week. A 2002 study of European occupations found that accountants, engineers, and school teachers had a significantly lower mortality rate than folks working in jobs that provide at least a modicum of daily excitement: roofing contractors, lumberjacks, race car drivers, and crab fishermen working in the North Sea. (Unfortunately, very few college graduates can qualify for these types of challenging professions.)

In other words, if you want a longer-than-normal lifespan, get a college degree and a boring desk job. (We hope that works out well for the four researchers who published the above mentioned PLOS article.)

One more note. The lowest mortality rate, in the 2002 European study, was for members of the clergy.

A possible argument for encouraging prayer in school?

Louis Cannon

Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.