READY, FIRE, AIM: The Greenest State in the Known Universe

https://www.governing.com/next/What-is-the-Greenest-Most-Environmentally-Friendly-State.html

I was slightly offended by an April 14 report published by WalletHub, claiming that the state of Vermont was the “Greenest State of 2021.”

I’ve never been to Vermont, but I’ve been to a lot of other states, and I’ve always thought Colorado was the “Greenest State”. WalletHub, however, ranked Colorado as number 17.

Please! You can’t always trust what you find on the internet. Sometimes, people are analyzing stuff, like “how green” or “how red or blue” or “how white” this or that state might be, but they’re getting their information off the internet, which, as I said, you can’t always trust. (Don’t worry… you can trust me.)

I would really like to trust WalletHub, but like one of my heroes (President Ronald Reagan) once said, “Trust but verify.”

Actually, he said it on several occasions… in Russian… during nuclear disarmament talks with the Soviet Union. The phrase sounds better in Russian, because it rhymes: Доверяй, но проверяй, which in the regular alphabet is more like “Doveryay, no proveryay”.

I wish some clever person could get the English version to rhyme, someday. (Like maybe, “Swallow, but follow”? I’m not claiming to be a clever person, but it bothers me when the Russians can rhyme something and we can’t.)

But let’s get back to the subject at hand. Is Vermont really greener than Colorado?

Here is a satellite image of Vermont provided by Apple Corporation. I don’t see any reason to consider Apple Corporation untrustworthy. I use an Apple phone and an Apple computer, and I’ve never had either of them lie to me.

Okay, sure, it looks pretty green. But it’s a really small state, and in my opinion, the green is kind of washed out. If we are talking about the “greenest” state, I contend that we must take into account the total amount of green, and the darkness of the green.

So here’s Colorado:

Yes, there are a few spots that could have used more watering, but look at how dark most the green areas are, especially in the middle of the state.

If tiny little Vermont wants to hold up its washed-out green up against big, huge Colorado with its pine-forest green and say, “We’re the greenest…” Well, I will respond, “Doveryay, no proveryay.”

This article is not only about who’s the greenest, it’s also about who’s the most trustworthy.

In an effort to show my honesty and integrity, I didn’t just stop with Vermont and Colorado. I looked at the whole world, to determine the “Greenest State in the Known Universe.” As far as scientist can tell, Mars is completely red, and Jupiter is mostly pinkish, and Neptune is blue, and in general, the Earth is the only planet with vast areas of green. (Beyond our solar system, everything is mostly black, empty space. Is there “green” out there somewhere? Very possibly, but we are focused here on the “Known Universe.”)

Since we are the only “green” planet, I focused on the greenest places on Planet Earth. (Which was convenient, since the Apple map only shows Planet Earth.)

There were a few places that definitely looked greener than Colorado. What can I say? We might not be the greenest state.

Here is a really dark green state that’s much larger than Colorado. British Columbia:

Except I am not going to count British Columbia, because it’s actually a province. Not a state.

Another really green part of the globe can be found on the west cost of Africa. Gabon. It puts the “darkest” into the phrase, “deepest, darkest Africa”.

But I’m not going to count Gabon, because I’m pretty sure it’s a country.

The greenest place I could find, anywhere, was the island of Sumatra.

Now, that’s a really green place. Their water bill must be outrageous, to be that green. They probably have fabulous golf courses.

But is it a state? Is it a province? Is it a country?

I have no idea.

And you can trust me when I say that.

Louis Cannon

Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.