My search engine of choice — DuckDuckGo — has promised never to share information about what websites I visit, which is probably a good thing.
My web browser of choice — Firefox — has made the same promise. But a couple of years ago, Firefox started opening its browser window with a display of websites that Firefox thought I might find interesting, based upon my browsing history. Firefox refers to them as “Thought-provoking stories”.
For example:
A fascinating mix of topics, if you don’t mind my saying so. And I do in fact have a wide range of interests, as Firefox knows very well.
I’ve written a few columns lately that make reference to mathematics, and numbers. So maybe the Firefox algorithm thinks I like numbers? You might notice that many of these thought-provoking stories, above, include numbers.
“32 Free Things…” “15 Potting Bench Ideas…” “5 Common Terms…” “13 Changes…” “33 Songs…”
In reality, “One Free Thing” is usually enough to make me happy, but Firefox wants to offer me 32 of them.
And I don’t own a dog. Or a potting bench. So obviously this algorithm isn’t working perfectly.
The funny thing is — much as I love numbers — I am totally turned off by any story that contains “32” or “15” or “5” of something in its headline. Whenever I read about something thought-provoking, I want it to be a single thing. Like, if I am going to read about a disease — say, measles — I want the story to provoke thoughts about measles, and not 13 other diseases.
If I am going to appreciate a song by Nina Simone, I want it to be one particular song, not 33 of them.
But we can assume that the Internet was never built for simple people like myself. Firefox is presumably trying to appeal to the majority of Americans — the ones who want three cars, and two snowmobiles, and a TV in every room. While I might be satisfied with one cat, the Average American needs three dogs, four cats, two canaries, and a dozen tropical fish.
So I can’t help but wonder… is this pattern of adding numbers to Internet articles part of our consumerist society? Where we believe the goal in life is to collect more and more “things”?
Where it doesn’t matter what things we might collect, just so long as we collect more each day?
My natural conclusion, after considering the number of Internet authors who are including “numbers” in their headlines, is that they probably know what they’re doing, and maybe I would get more readers if I start including numbers in my headlines.
Thus, the headline for today’s column. “17 Wonderful Things About Getting a Divorce.”
I didn’t just throw that headline together, willy-nilly. I thought about it for a few minutes. I figured that any headline that starts with “17 Wonderful Things…” would attract more readers than “3 Wonderful Things…” Because more is better. And “17” is just such an interesting number.
But “1,000 Wonderful Things…” would turn people off, because it implies too much work.
Then, I had to pick a topic — a topic that I know something about, and that might spark people’s interest.
So, “17 Wonderful Things About Getting a Divorce”. Most people know the bad things about getting a divorce, but how many people know about the wonderful things?
Here, then, are my 17 Wonderful Things About Getting a Divorce.
1. You get to have your own PO Box.
2. You control the remote.
3. No one can hear you snoring.
4. You don’t have to clean the bathtub ring after every bath.
5. There’s more room in the refrigerator.
Actually, that was all I could think of. Some readers may be disappointed that I didn’t actually list 17 wonderful things. But I just liked the number 17.
Okay, here’s one more:
6. No one will roll her eyes because I didn’t actually list 17 wonderful things.