…Hey honey, you’ve got lots of cash
Bring us round a bottle, and we’ll have some laughs
Gin’s what I’m drinking,
I was raised on robbery…
— Raised on Robbery, by Joni Mitchell, 1974
The narrator in Joni Mitchell’s hit song, Raised on Robbery, says she wants some laughs. But maybe she wants other things as well?
She doesn’t seem the least bit ashamed to admit she was raised on robbery, considering how many times she says it in three-minute song.
If Joni Mitchell had waited a couple of years to release that song, she could have changed the lyrics to, “Raised on Bribery”.
Bribery is different from robbery, although they’re both supposedly illegal. But people still engage in such activities, hoping not to get caught.
Apparently, however, bribery is no longer illegal, as of February 10… or at least, the law won’t be enforced? If you’re a businessman?
I totally get it. Business — especially the business of keeping the world’s economic wheels turning — is tough enough, without making bribery a crime.
Since 1977, the U.S. has had a federal law — the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act of 1977 — that prohibits American companies from offering bribes to foreign government officials to win contracts abroad. This has been a hard pill to swallow for American businessmen, who can’t bribe foreign governments unless the chance of getting caught is slim.
Foreign companies, in competition with our American companies, are not necessarily encumbered by such legal niceties.
President Trump to the rescue. On Monday, the President signed an executive order freezing enforcement of the law. “It sounds good on paper but in practicality, it’s a disaster.”
Stopping the enforcement of the law “is going to mean a lot more business for America.”
Which will no doubt help make America great again. Something we all want.
So, I’m thinking… how great America could become if we made a lot of other things legal, that sound good on paper but in practicality are a disaster. For instance, back in 2012, the state of Colorado made the possession and recreational use of marijuana legal, and in 2014 began licensing dispensaries to sell it… resulting in $14 billion in sales since 2014, with $2.4 billion in taxes and fee revenues flowing to government.
All for something people were doing anyway, even when it was illegal.
I’m sure American companies were offering bribes to foreign government officials even before the President told them that his administration would not be enforcing the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act of 1977. Occasionally, a company would get caught breaking the law and have to pay a $1 million fine or something, and the person who actually handed over the bribe would get fired. It’s the price of doing business.
But now, the price will be much less. Just the cost of the bribe. It’s going to mean a lot more business for America.
There are other bothersome laws that the President could stop enforcing. Extortion, for example. Blackmail. Robbery. Murder. These laws sound good on paper, but they keep businesses from reaching their full potential.
Think how great America could become. Again.
The only problem is, once American businesses are allowed to commit bribery — and robbery, and murder — everyone else will want to jump on the band wagon. Great Britain, France, Italy, Israel, Japan.
China?
I’m pretty sure we’re not the only country that wants to be great again. The President might be starting a trend that results in everybody becoming great.
I just worry… that they are going to stop enforcing the laws about who can use the women’s restroom.