After finishing my column earlier this week about luckless memoir-writer Toby Young, the Internet apparently determined — based on my research topics — that I had an interest in Hollywood.
Not because of the L.A. County fires, mind you. (The Internet is probably tired of sending people stories about the L.A. County fires.)
No, The Internet must have picked up on my comment about Mr. Young becoming a husband, and a father, and my stated assumption that, in order to become a father, he must had had sex, at least once. Science tells us that a single attempt is all that’s biologically necessary, and based on Mr. Young’s self-reported propensity for dismal failure, I felt like I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.
The Internet took note, apparently, because it started showing me ads and links related to Hollywood. And romance.
Like this January 23 article from the Hollywood Reporter, written by Rebecca Keegan:
An Intimacy Coordinator’s Take on That Awkward ‘It Ends With Us’ Video
I refer to “The Internet” as if it’s a single, homogenized, intelligent entity guiding the evolution (or degeneration) of modern culture. Because it is.
I had heard of the film, “It Ends With Us”, because The Internet had made sure of it, even before the film was released last August. But I try to avoid romance movies, for reasons I prefer not to get into. I will simply say, watching actors pretend to fall in love, and then have it all fall apart, causes me emotional distress. Even though I know it’s just acting.
So I didn’t see “It Ends With Us” when it played at the theatre. It went on to gross $350 million. Not bad for a movie about domestic violence.
But now, I and millions of others will have to watch it on Netflix, to observe the “slow dance” scene wherein director Justin Baldoni — who also played the male lead — acts like he’s trying to kiss his his co-star, Blake Lively, on the lips… and is now involved in a lawsuit, filed by Ms. Lively, accusing him of acting like he was trying to kiss her, in violation of her human right to be free of sexual harassment.
This is the first instance I’ve come across where it’s presumed to be a civil rights violation for acting like you’re in love, in a movie. But, you know, lawyers…
I’ve often wondered (haven’t we all?) what it feels like to be playing a character in a movie and being required to kiss your co-star (who might also be the film’s director) when you don’t actually like him very much. I hear some movie stars (and directors) can be pretty unpleasant people, with big egos and the overblown self-importance that comes with fame and fortune.
But when the script calls for kissing, you sure as hell better do some kissing. If you want to collect your paycheck.
Apparently, however, the “It Ends With Us” script didn’t call for kissing, in Scene 40.
40 EXT. BAR – NIGHT
Lily and Ryle slow dance in the bar. Patrons around them drinking and watching sports. Completely in their own world.
They were completely in a world of their own — surrounded by dozens of film crew members, and extras pretending to be drinking and watching sports — as a cover version of the Beach Boys hit “God Only Knows” played over the sound system.
But no mention of any kissing in the script. Pretend or otherwise. “Slow dance in the bar” does not necessarily imply kissing.
Thus the lawsuit. And then, the public release on YouTube, by director Justin Baldoni, of relevant video footage, showing that he didn’t actually kiss his co-star Blake Lively. At least, not on the lips. In that scene. Not that he didn’t try, as an actor might. While falling in love. Or acting like he was falling in love.
Justin Baldoni’s legal team claims the 10-minute video, in which the two characters, Ryle and Lily, dance in the bar, is proof he behaved appropriately, while Ms. Lively’s legal team says it validates her allegations of sexual harassment.
The Hollywood Reporter article includes an interview with Mia Schachter, an intimacy coordinator who has worked on Apple TV’s “Lessons in Chemistry” and FX’s “American Crime Story”.
This was the first I’d ever heard of the term, “intimacy coordinator”. Unlike in real life, “intimacy” in movies is presumed to require a “coordinator”. Which makes a lot of sense, when you consider you might have to act like you are dying to kiss someone whom you actually hate, in the interests of producing a blockbuster movie.
Of course, there are many people — in real life — who have to act like they love someone whom they actually hate. For the sake of the children, for instance. Or because they’re temporarily unemployed, and need someone to make the car payments. Or because their partner has just been elected President, and they don’t want to embarrass him.
But, speaking for myself, I probably could have used an intimacy coordinator, back when Darlene and I were still married. To keep me from screwing things up.
“No, Louis, this is totally the wrong time to kiss Darlene…”
I’m curious how much an intimacy coordinator would cost, per hour? Or maybe, on a monthly salary?
Not that it would do me any good, at this point. But, still, I’m curious.
And it might have been helpful to have a well-written script, just as a reference.