I woke up from a dream on Monday morning, following a verbal exchange between two people.
Guy Number One: “You’re a bastard.”
Guy Number Two: “We’re all bastards, these days.”
That’s all I remember from the dream.
I can’t say who the two guys were. I often have strangers appear in my dreams, without my permission.
But I’ve always believed that conversations in my dreams are actually me, talking to myself, about something that I need to tell myself but haven’t gotten around to yet, for some reason. Fear of the truth, perhaps?
So, in this case, this would mean I was calling myself a bastard.
Then, rather than deny the accusation, I replied to myself that we’re all bastards.
One odd thing about this exchange is that I remembered it upon waking up. I don’t often remember my dreams, and especially conversations between strangers (who might be myself, in disguise.)
Another odd thing is the word, “bastard”. That word is not a normal part of my vocabulary. If I want to insult someone in real life, I will typically use the kinds of insults Donald Trump likes to use: “sleazebag” and “wacko” and “clown” and “total loser”.
So I can’t explain why this guy in my dream called the other guy a “bastard”. He might have meant the term in its historical sense, describing a person born out of wedlock. Prior to the 20th century, the term “bastard” was not a strongly negative term. Maybe your mom and dad weren’t married? No big deal. You might still grow up to be King.
But my sense is, the guy in my dream meant the word as an insult.
You would think I knew exactly how he meant it, since it was my dream. But that’s the funny thing about dreams. You don’t often know what the people actually mean. Just like in real life.
But what’s even more confusing was the comment by Guy Number Two. “We’re all bastards, these days.” Spoken simply, as if he were not at all insulted, but was merely stating a fact.
Presumably, he didn’t mean we’re all born out of wedlock. I’m fairly sure my own parents were married when I was born. (But that’s an assumption.) Did he mean, we’re all sleazebags? That would make even Donald Trump a sleazebag.
As you might understand, I was confused by this exchange.
Luckily, I had an appointment with my therapist on Tuesday, and when she asked how things were going for me, I mentioned the dream about the two guys, talking about bastards.
“I’m trying to figure out what it means,” I told her. “Like, is this dream trying to tell me something?”
“Well, how did you feel, in the dream?”
I had to think for a moment.
“So, when the first guy called the other guy a bastard, I felt… sort of a twinge of excitement. Like watching the quarterback get sacked. There’s something… I dunno… something amusing about watching someone get insulted. Like when Donald Trump insults his enemies. It’s entertaining.”
“Don’t you think the people in your dreams are actually aspects of yourself?” she asked.
“Well, yeah, of course. So that was a part of me, insulting another part of me. But I was still amused.”
“And then, how did you feel when the other part of you said that everyone is a bastard, these days?”
I had to think again.
“He seemed so calm about it. Like, the insult had just rolled off his back. And like he had an intelligent insight into the world, that we are all bastards, and it was so obviously true.”
“Who do you imagine he meant by ‘we’? Because he was obviously talking about a group of people, and indicating he’s part of that group,” she suggested.
“I assume he’s talking about everyone in the world. But you’re right; he could have been talking about just a certain group of bastards.”
“And maybe that certain group might be all the people in your dreams?”
“But all the people in my dreams… are… aspects of myself…”
“Bingo.”