Like many males currently going through their mid-life crisis — which actually is just a continuation of the crisis that began in preschool — I had been drooling over the Tesla Cybertruck.
If ever a truck was designed to make the owner feel like he was piloting a spaceship, it’s the Tesla Cybertruck.
Yes, there have been cars that looked like spaceships, like the 1960 Ford Spaceliner…
…but they look pretty lame next to a Cybertruck. In my humble opinion.
However. I’m glad, now, that I didn’t buy a Cybertruck.
For one thing, Cybertrucks tend to come apart while you are driving them.
From a March 20 WIRED Magazine article by Aarian Marshall, ‘Nearly All Cybertrucks Have Been Recalled Because Tesla Used the Wrong Glue’:
Tesla said Thursday it would recall nearly all the Cybertrucks it has produced to repair a stainless steel trim panel that the carmaker said could become detached from the vehicle while driving. It’s the eighth recall for the distinctive all-electric pickup, which hit U.S. roads just over two years ago… The recall affects more than 46,000 Cybertrucks…
The recall is related to a cosmetic applique on the vehicle’s exterior, which is attached to the rest of the truck by a kind of glue, according to a filing published by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration… On affected Cybertrucks, the adhesive can separate from the rest of the truck, creating a possible “road hazard” for others…
My driving style is enough of a road hazard for other drivers, without pieces of my truck flying off.
And I’m honestly a bit surprised to learn that the $80,000 Cybertruck is held together with “glue”. Seems like you’d want to use bolts, or at least, screws.
We note this is the eighth recall in two years. Ouch.
That’s not the only reason why I’m glad I didn’t buy one.
Apparently, Tesla vehicles include video cameras — about a dozen of them — and the cameras send copies of the video footage to Tesla headquarters. That wouldn’t be a problem for me, except that some of the cameras are recording the inside of the vehicle. Tesla is, like, watching their owners, while they drive.
I don’t know about you, but I like to pick my nose when I’m driving. And I believe other people do even more embarrassing things inside their cars and trucks.
No doubt the company wants video evidence of ‘human error’ if a driver gets into an accident and wants to blame Tesla. “See, he was picking his nose instead of paying attention!”
For another thing, the video cameras will probably record the pieces of your truck as they fly off and hit the car behind you. It’s bad enough, damaging another person’s vehicle, but do really you want video footage of it? I certainly don’t.
Then we have the little problem of the price. The most I’ve ever spent on a car is $9,000. (They’ve all been used cars.) Now that I have a steady job writing humor columns, I could probably scrape together maybe $20,000, in a pinch. (I hope my ex-wife is not reading this column.). But according to Car & Driver Magazine, the manufacturers suggested retail price for a Cybertruck would set me back “$81,985–$101,985”.
I assume, now that word has gotten out that the truck is held together with glue, and you can’t pick your nose without being watched, the price will come down.
So there you have three reasons why I’m glad I didn’t buy one.
I could have mentioned Elon Musk’s attack on the federal government with his Department of Government Efficiency, but I don’t like to get involved in politics. I mean, I worry about a guy who puts his trucks together with glue, being in charge of the Pentagon’s budget, but I’m pretty sure even worse things have come out of the Pentagon.
Some other people seem to have bad feelings about Elon Musk, however.
Like the guy who painted graffiti on a parking lot full of Cybertrucks in Florida.
If Tesla wanted to sell me one of these trucks at a discount price, due to the added paint, I might at least consider the offer. For around $20,000?
But… probably not.
Like I said, about picking my nose.