My kids are pretty upset about the proposed Tik Tok ban… as is most of Gen Z, from what I can tell.
It’s not often the federal government tells us that we can no longer do something we absolutely love doing. But it happens now and then. I’m thinking about the 18th Amendment, which attempted to outlaw the sale of alcohol for 14 years, but mostly just caused the price to increase. Ditto, the ban of marijuana in 1937.
But of course, Tik Tok is free and has always been free, so we don’t have to worry about the price increasing. Unless, of course, a U.S. company buys it.
That’s what the U.S. Congress wants to see happen. They want a U.S. company to buy it, and force the Chinese Communist Party out of the arrangement. The Chinese Communist Party being the folks who have provided it for free all these years — since 2016 — in exchange for collecting personal information about us.
I use the term “us” loosely, because it’s only about 170 million U.S. citizens who use Tik Tok. I’ve not been one of them… up until yesterday afternoon, when I downloaded the app to my iPhone.
Not that I want the Chinese to have my personal information. I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
I don’t what’s going to happen to TikTok, and neither does anyone else. Not even the Supreme Court knows, as of yesterday afternoon. And if anyone ought to know, it’s the Supreme Court. (Congress doesn’t know anything about anything, in my humble opinion. They’re just politicians.)
But I thought, heck, some of our regular Daily Post readers might be Tik Tok users, and they might want my advice on how to survive the possible shutdown on January 19. (This Sunday!)
When I signed up, Tik Tok gave me the option of providing my personal email and phone number, or else by allowing Tik Tok to access Facebook, or Apple, or Google, all of whom have my personal email and phone number at their fingertips. Tik Tok then asked me what types of videos I wanted to see. I picked “Oddly satisfying”, since that’s my general approach to life. (Sadly, I didn’t find any of the offered videos to be oddly satisfying. But what did I expect from a free app run by Chinese Communists?)
So here is:
The Louis Cannon Guide to Surviving a Tik Tok Ban
1. Non-Users
I have to assume that most Daily Post readers do not have Tik Tok accounts. Anyone who can find satisfaction reading a Daily Post article (yes, I mean you, dear reader) will likely find the videos on Tik Tok “Oddly unsatisfying”.
Thus, no survival tactics needed.
2. Occasional Users
Other Daily Post readers may have created a Tik Tok account, either intentionally or by accident, and quickly deleted the account. Once again, no special survival tactics can be recommended. Except to stay as far away as possible, for God’s sake, even if the Congressional ban is not implemented. Or is badly implemented.
Some occasional users (you know who you are) may find themselves visiting Tik Tok once or twice a day, just to keep in practice. You won’t miss it.
3. Tik Tok Addicts
Once you open the Tik Tok app, you can find yourself swiping endlessly from one video to the next, hoping to find something worthy of your time and attention. But because none of the content is worth your time and attention, the swiping can go on, ad infinitum. You can nevertheless feel like you are actually doing something. (And you are. You’re swiping. Endlessly.) There are very few things a human can do for hours on end, because most activities have an eventual outcome. As an alternative to Tik Tok, try to find another way to waste several hours of your day. Take a nap, for instance.
4. Tik Tok Creators
This is the group destined to suffer most from a Tik Tok ban, because they haven’t been wasting their lives. They’ve been chasing ‘Likes’ and ‘Follows’ and ultimately, ‘The Almighty Dollar’.
If you belong to this group, I have no sympathy for you. You made me swipe for several hours, trying in vain to find an oddly satisfying video.
As President George W. Bush once stated so eloquently, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.”
5. Final thoughts
Come Sunday, it’s possible the Tok Tok app will become unavailable. But there’s a Chinese alternative that’s seeing millions of downloads over the past month from so-called “Tik Tok refugees”.
Red Note is a short-form video platform similar to Tik Tok, similarly censored by the Chinese Communist Party.
Download the Red Note App and connect with millions of #TikTok refugees# finding a new home here. Join tens of millions of friendly Chinese users sharing incredible and entertaining stories. Explore the community everyone is talking about!
You can download Red Note here, if napping is not your style.