I’m gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas
Mommy and Daddy are mad
I’m gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas
‘Cause I ain’t been nuttin’ but bad…
— “Nuttin’ for Christmas”, written by Sid Tepper and Roy C. Bennett, 1955.
This column will have very little to do with Christmas, because Christmas 2024 has come and gone — except for millions of iPhone photos still on their way to Grandma and Auntie, who have finally learned how to open text messages, thank heavens.
But it will be coming around again, like a bad penny. Will we be ready?
When you’re a divorced bachelor living alone with a cat, Christmas gifts tend to be in short supply on December 25. Maybe the kids sent something. The latest bestselling self-help book, for example. A couple of action movie DVDs from the bargain bin at Walmart. A really nice looking shirt that’s a size too small.
But maybe that’s a good thing? The small haul, I mean?
Because it seems like we’ve been digging ourselves into a bottomless pit of consumerism.
(Technically, I suppose a bottomless pit is not actually a pit in the usual sense of the word. A “pit” needs to have a bottom, to be a proper pit. But, you know, poetic license, etc.)
I got an email over the weekend, from a PR person named Kathy Fowler.
Dear Louis,
Every year, the holiday season leaves behind an overwhelming legacy: waste. From Thanksgiving to New Year’s, Americans generate an additional 25% more trash than at any other time of the year, amounting to over 1 million extra tons of waste each week. Globally, our waste problem is growing at an alarming rate, projected to reach 3.4 billion tons annually by 2050 — a nearly 70% increase from today.
The root cause? Overconsumption. Packaging waste, non-recyclable wrapping paper, barely-used gadgets, and discarded decorations all contribute to this crisis…
Apparently, Ms. Fowler understands that there’s hardly anything as tantalizing, to a humor columnist, as a global crisis caused by Christmas wrapping paper. So she reached out to me…
Maybe I wrote something about recycling wrapping paper, in a past column?
Anyway, she somehow got my name and email address. (And no, it wasn’t from eHarmony.com)
Her email continues:
That’s where No Buy January comes in — a growing global campaign that encourages individuals to pause on purchases for one month, rethink their consumption habits, and embrace mindful living. What began as a grassroots movement in 2018 has evolved into a rallying cry for sustainability advocates and everyday people seeking to combat waste and protect the planet.
To discuss the urgency of addressing overconsumption and the impact of No Buy January, I’d like to connect you with Lexy Silverstein, a sustainable fashion advocate featured on Vogue, ABC, KTLA, Fox News, The Guardian, and more.
I suspect the offer to “connect” me with Lexy Silverstein was intended to be merely intellectual. Although I’m open to most any type of relationship, at this point in my life.
However, I looked up one of Ms. Silverstein’s websites and she looks about the age of my daughter, as you might expect if someone is making a living as an ‘influencer.’ Her main interest seems to be getting more people to buy their clothes at thrift shops, which slightly violates the spirit of ‘No Buy’ if we’re really trying to not buy anything in January.
So what we’re really talking about is ‘No Buy Anything New January.’ Or ‘Buy Only Certain Things January’. No wrapping paper, for example.
Because… to not buy anything, for the whole month of January? No red-blooded American would think of even attempting such a feat.
Okay, maybe a homeless person with no money. (But if they were standing at the Walmart entrance last week, I know they have at least one dollar, because I gave it to them.)
As I dug a bit digger into this trend, it seems to be aimed at women. Especially, younger women.
According to the Ally Bank platform, No Buy January requires you to “Make only essential purchases like groceries, rent and utilities instead of spending on non-essential items for a set period of time. That means no splurging on skincare or nights out at the comedy club.
I can’t remember the last time I splurged on skincare.
And I don’t think we even have a comedy club in Pagosa? Unless we count “First Fridays” with the Comedy Improv group at the Pagosa Springs Center for the Arts. That’s like, $10 admission. I personally don’t count anything that costs under $20 as “spending”. Which probably explains my huge selection of ballpoint pens.
Some adoptees of the ‘no-buy life’ bend the rules a little — or a lot — to make the challenge more forgiving. For example, no-buy ‘influencer’ Elysia Berman makes a “yes list” which allows for hair and nail appointments, a couple of Botox sessions, Pilates, and select experiences like travel, concerts, and movies.
This woman obviously spends more when she’s not buying anything than I do in ‘full-on consumer mode.’
Another young influencer, Rebecca Sowden, calls herself a “recovering superspender”, and she’s been documenting her ‘no-buy’ rehabilitation program on TikTok. She says that committing to the shopping ban publicly — posting her struggles and victories for all the world to see, or at least, for the 208,000 women who liked her latest TikTok video to see — was key to the success of her previous short-term shopping ban.
She’s now embarking on a full ‘No Buy’ year for 2025. And her rules, she says, are extensive! Extensive! Count ’em. 12 strict rules, including no clothes shopping, period — not even thrift. No new shoes unless a pair wears out, to where she can no longer use them. She will not allow herself to “declutter” by getting rid of useless junk, because you know what happens then. You buy replacement junk.
This whole trend makes me wonder about the differences between men and women.
I mean, I would never think of documenting my spending habits for a whole year.
Let people use their imaginations!