“I’m old and getting older, and whatever problems I have now are only going to get worse,” he said.
— from an article by Judith Graham, “Historic Numbers of Americans Live by Themselves as They Age” on KFFHealthNews, September 17.
This is a problem I’ve noticed among my friends in Pagosa Springs. Friends who are old, and getting older. And with problems.
The problems only seem to be getting worse.
Like, for example, the problems with my car’s transmission. Someday, that problem won’t matter much, because I’ll be too old to drive safely.
If I make it far enough. that is, to be a burden on my children.
I was reminded of that possibility, the other day, reading an article by Judith Crane about Americans living by themselves as they slowly ride off into the sunset.
That’s a nicer way of thinking about old age — as riding off into the sunset. Rather than other ways of describing the changes brought about by the aging process.
Even my cat, Roscoe, is old and getting older. Through no fault of his own.
Who invented this process of getting old, anyway? Where the blessings of youth are wasted on a foolish, inexperienced younger generation?
I’m not blaming my friends for getting older. They can’t help it. It seems to be built into their DNA.
And I don’t blame my car for having transmission problems, even though my car doesn’t have any DNA.
One of the main problems in America seems to be people getting old… alone.
According to a 2023 survey by the U.S. Census Bureau, about 28% of people 65 and older live by themselves, including slightly fewer than 6 million men and slightly more than 10 million women. By contrast, only about 10% of older Americans lived on their own in 1950.
Judith Graham quoted one such single senior in her article.
Gerri Norington, 78, never wanted to be on her own as she grew old.
But her first marriage ended in divorce, and her second husband died more than 30 years ago. When a five-year relationship came to a close in 2006, she found herself alone — a situation that has lasted since.
“I miss having a companion who I can talk to and ask ‘How was your day?’ or ‘What do you think of what’s going on in the world?’” said Norington, who lives in an apartment building for seniors on the South Side of Chicago. Although she has a loving daughter in the city, “I don’t want to be a burden to her,” she said.
That final quote is the one that bothered me.
Ms. Norington doesn’t want to be a burden to her daughter. Even though her daughter was, presumably, a burden to Ms. Norington for maybe 18 years.
Not too many daughters think to ask their parents, “How was your day?” or “What do you think of what’s going on in the world?” Even though that’s the kind of question that a mother would appreciate.
But one of the problems that comes from getting old is wisdom. Yes, we realize that we’re alone, but we’re now wise enough to know what a pain it is to live with another person. That’s why we have cats.
One of the joys of writing humor columns for the Daily Post is searching for royalty-free photographs to illustrate my article. (It’s a lot more fun than arguing with your wife, for example.) So there I was, searching for photos of old people who are living by themselves and feeling depressed about it… or photos of old people being a burden on their children (my preference) …
… and I came across a photo of an old person swinging on a swing.
When you’re swinging on a swing, you’re almost always doing it alone.
Maybe that’s what America needs, these days. More swing sets.