I normally get wild turkeys walking through my yard in the wintertime, here in Pagosa. Even when I don’t actually see them, I know they’ve visited by their cute, little turkey footprints in my driveway.
Small herds of turkeys. They’re a lot like human teenagers; they like to travel in groups. Except they don’t have cell phones.
I hear they’re incredibly intelligent. I mean the turkeys, not the teenagers.
Equity has been on my mind lately, along with Diversity and Inclusion. Not only because “DEI” means “God” in Latin, but for other reasons as well.
The scientists in charge of giving Latin names to biological creatures have designated the wild turkey as Meleagris gallopavo.
When I did an online translation of that Latin name (just because I’m the curious type) Google told me it means, “I was galloping with turkeys”. Which initially struck me as somewhat redundant, but also accurate, because wild turkeys do tend to gallop away when they see me coming. And when they are galloping away, they are doing it with other turkeys. No doubt the scientists noticed the same thing.
I’m speaking in defense of these birds because they are sometimes hunted as trophies.
Apparently, Colorado voters are going to have a chance, this November, to prevent unethical trophy hunting of mountain lions. Proposition 91. A group called “CAT” — Cats Aren’t Trophies — petitioned the measure onto the ballot by gathering 187,000 signatures.
I personally support this ballot measure, even though I hope to never see mountain lion tracks in my driveway. Ha ha! I bet the tracks aren’t cute and little!
But I guess my central question is, who’s looking out for the wild turkeys?
Seems a bit discriminatory. To pay all this attention to cats, and leave the birds out of the conversation.
Of course, cats and birds have always been on opposite teams. My own cat, Roscoe, seems to have adopted a program of eliminating as many birds from my neighborhood as gastronomically possible.
He has yet to bring home a turkey, however.
The folks behind the CATs ballot measure have made several smart arguments for outlawing trophy hunting of big cats, including the old, familiar “Balance of Nature” type arguments, suggesting that mountain lions naturally help cull weak and sick prey animals — deer, elk, maybe the occasional rabbit, and in a pinch, also mice. Although I imagine mountain lions don’t like to admit they eat mice. Even I feel slightly embarrassed mentioning it.
The main point, however, concerns the unfair manner in which mountain lions are hunted, using packs of dogs and iPhones. And for what? A trophy cat head to hang on the wall of your den.
Wilds turkeys face an even worse situation, in my opinion, because the trophy hunters hang the tail feathers on the wall, typically augmented with the turkey’s long gray beard.
I hope we never again come to the point where humans are hunted as trophies — something that did happen in certain cultures, I understand, in the not-so-distant past — but if I ever end up as someone’s trophy, I sure as heck hope they mount my head on the wall, rather than my rear end.
And I don’t have a beard, by the way. Just saying.
Anyway, I plan to vote ‘Yes’ on Proposition 91, which will protect big cats in Colorado from certain types of hunting practices.
And I look forward to protecting wild turkeys, whenever Colorado gets around to being fair and equitable to all biological creatures.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.