According to New York Times journalist Derrick Bryson Taylor, reporting from London yesterday:
Monday was most likely the hottest day ever recorded on Earth, with a global average of about 62.87 degrees Fahrenheit, or 17.15 degrees Celsius, preliminary data showed — beating a record that had been set just one day before.
The data, released on Wednesday by the Copernicus Climate Change Service, a European Union institution that provides information about the past, present and future climate, caused alarm among some experts.
At the rate things are going, we’re going to need upgraded thermometers pretty soon. My outside thermometer, nailed up next to my back door, only goes up to 120 degrees F. That’s good news for thermometer manufacturers.
Although I’m not clear what all the fuss is about. 62.87 degrees F is not really a hot temperature, in my book. Downright pleasant, in fact. When a journalist writes “…the hottest day ever recorded on Earth”, he’s obviously using his poetic license. He could just as easily write, “…a balmiest day ever recorded on Earth.”
Still, it’s pretty exciting to get into the Guinness Book of World Records. But that brings up the question: who, exactly gets to be in the record book? The Planet Earth, or the scientists at Copernicus Climate Change Service?
Or does the record go to all of us, who are burning fossil fuels?
I hear it’s been really hot in Phoenix lately, but apparently, the main reason for the record heat was “above-average temperatures over large parts of Antarctica.”
So, like, two scientists in Antarctica are standing outside their igloo, and one says, “Gee, Fred, the thermometer says minus-55-degrees today. Does that seem kinda warm to you?”
And the other says, “Yeah, I think the penguins are sweating.”
The previous ‘average global temperature’ record was set one day earlier, on Sunday, at 62.76 degrees F. So all this fuss is about 11-one-hundredths of a degree.
Not even a penguin is going to break a sweat over 11-one-hundredths of a degree.
Readers might be interested to know that penguins do, actually, sweat. Their sweat glands are located near their eyes, and they are able to excrete excess salt (from eating salty fish?) through their sweat glands.
We humans also excrete salt through our sweat glands, but mostly, we get rid of excess salt in our pee. Penguins don’t pee, and we can probably understand why. (I also learned that penguins have knees, although they are modest about them, and generally keep them hidden. When I came across the New York Times story about world record temperatures, little did I know it would lead me to learn about penguins’ knees.)
Generally, when a Guinness world record gets set, someone is actually trying to set the record. For example, in 2021, Budimir Šobat held his breath for astonishing 24 min 37 sec. Obviously, humans are capable of doing amazing things, when they put their minds to it.
But what if nobody was actually trying to set the ‘average global temperature’ record? And some scientists in London just accidentally stumbled upon it? I seriously doubt the Guinness Book people are going to include it. But the breath-holding record? Yes!
Sure, a world record is a world record. But I will probably get more excited about any world records set at the Paris Olympics. (Which starts tomorrow, Friday, no matter how hot it is.)
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.