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— from an email sent by ‘SermonAI’.
Being a humor columnist, I occasionally write about religion.
Last month, I wrote a mildly humorous column about the new state law in Louisiana, which requires all school classrooms to display the Ten Commandments as provided to Moses on Mt. Sinai by Yahweh (aka Jehovah aka God aka The LORD).
Although Moses subsequently smashed the tablets in a fit of anger, the divine message will apparently live on in Louisiana classrooms.
While doing my research for that column, I actually found myself reading parts of the book of Exodus (not the whole book) and I was surprised to learn that Moses — before he became Yahweh’s messenger — had murdered an Egyptian, and then run away to avoid prosecution.
I may have heard this story in Sunday school, as a child, but I certainly didn’t remember it.
I have a lot of admiration for a person who can commit murder, and then immediately call up the police and confess to his crime. “I need to report that I just had a disagreement with an Egyptian, and he might be dead…”
Murder is bad enough, but it seems Moses never ‘fessed up, which I think makes the whole thing even worse.
If I were a preacher giving a sermon about the Ten Commandments, how would I explain this situation to my congregation… that we are following Commandments delivered by an unrepentant murderer? (One of those Commandments being, of course, “You shall not commit murder.”)
How would an artificially intelligent computer program relate this story with my congregation? To find out, I asked ChatGPT to write a short sermon about Moses murdering the Egyptian.
Here’s the actual response from ChatGPT.
My dear brothers and sisters,
Today, let us delve into a pivotal moment in the life of Moses, a man chosen by God to lead His people out of bondage. We find ourselves reflecting on an event that shaped Moses’ destiny and set in motion God’s plan for deliverance.
In the book of Exodus, we encounter the story of Moses witnessing an Egyptian beating a Hebrew. Filled with righteous anger and a deep sense of justice, Moses intervened. In a moment of heated passion, he struck down the Egyptian and buried him in the sand.
This act of Moses raises profound questions for us today. How do we reconcile this action with the man called by God to deliver His people? It is important to understand that Moses, like all of us, was a flawed individual. He was not perfect; he was a man of flesh and blood, subject to human emotions and failings…
That wasn’t the whole sermon, but I have to stop here and comment about us all being flawed individuals. I completely agree with ChatGPT that anyone who thinks he can lead a whole nation to the Promised Land, after committing murder — or rape, or fraud, or insurrection — and never repents of his actions, is a flawed individual.
But we like those kinds of leaders. Given a choice, most of us would gladly chose a liar and a cheat and a rapist and an insurrectionist over the alternative.
Amazingly enough, ChatGPT fully understood the attraction that criminals hold for us.
The sermon continues:
Yet, God chose Moses despite his imperfections. This speaks volumes about the character of our God — a God who sees beyond our shortcomings and uses imperfect vessels to accomplish His perfect will.
I especially like the part about God using “imperfect vessels”, because that’s exactly how I see myself.
Moses’ act of violence was not condoned by God, but God used Moses’ passion for justice to ultimately bring about justice for His people in a much greater and profound way…
Let us therefore take heart from the story of Moses. Let us remember that God’s plans are not thwarted by our failings. Instead, He works through our weaknesses to demonstrate His strength…
May the Lord bless you and keep you, and may His Spirit guide you in all truth and righteousness. Amen.
To be perfectly honest — and speaking as someone who writes for a living — I could not have written sermon that so clearly and elegantly excused the leader of a nation for the most serious possible crime.
Except, maybe it’s not actually the most serious possible crime?
Based on the order in which the Commandments were delivered, the prohibition against worshiping other gods looks like the most serious violation. And that’s what they taught me in Sunday school.
Apparently, worshiping other gods is exactly what the Israelites were doing when Moses smashed the tablets. Or so the story goes. They were lucky he had some tablets to smash. Coulda been worse.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.