READY, FIRE, AIM: I Could Have Been a Cheerleader

The US Department of Education is looking out for our children, and has been for a while now.  Off and on.

But now, more than ever. They’ve updated Title IX.  (That’s Title “Nine”, for any readers who flunked Roman history.)

“For more than 50 years, Title IX has promised an equal opportunity to learn and thrive in our nation’s schools free from sex discrimination,” said U.S. Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona. “These final regulations build on the legacy of Title IX by clarifying that all our nation’s students can access schools that are safe, welcoming, and respect their rights.”

We all want safe and welcoming schools.  Right?  Or maybe we don’t.  Maybe we want schools to be safe and welcoming for only certain children. The ones who act like the little boys and girls they were born to be. The boys, dressed in blue, and the girls with pink ribbons in their hair.

No more of this rainbow nonsense. Just blue, and pink. Like we were taught in Sunday school.

The leaders in certain US states are not happy with Secretary Cardona.  At least 22 states are suing the U.S. Department of Education over the recently updated guidelines for Title IX.

“By attempting to redefine sex to include gender identity and sexual orientation in Title IX,” Iowa GOP Governor Kim Reynolds said in a statement, “President Biden is marginalizing girls and women.”

Girls and women have been marginalized for a long time. Like, when’s the last time we had a woman President? I can’t remember. And now, the men running the federal government are doing girls and women wrong, by trying to insert rainbow colors into Title IX.

Title IX is part of a big rulebook that governs how the federal government hands out money to public schools. As far as I can tell, there are ten “Title” programs that support our schools, established in 1965 and subsequent years, with the aim of increasing educational effectiveness, in particular for children from low-income families, handicapped children, bilingual children, and girls. (Girls, being a special case of ‘handicapped’.)

Title IX was added in 1972, to prohibit discrimination based on sex. Which of course opened a can of worms. America was founded on the idea that only males could own property, and vote, and run for office. What would George Washington think of Title IX? We can only imagine.

But fortunately, 22 states have brave elected leaders who, still today, fully embrace the ideals held by our nation’s Founding Fathers. (Note: There were no ‘Founding Mothers’ or ‘Founding Girls’. Women knew their place, in 1776.)

Things got especially messy when young people (and some old people) started embracing the idea that you could wear a pink ribbon in your hair — and change your name to Caitlyn — even if your mother dressed you in blue when you were born.

To account for this popular trend, we had to invent the word, “Gender”, which had originally been a term of grammar. Your “sex” was one thing; your “gender” could be something quite different. Usually, the two things sort of matched — “sex” and “gender” — especially if you were a Republican. But we’re not all Republicans, now, are we?

In keeping with the [strange] times, the Obama administration clarified Title IX so everyone understood that, as far as the U.S. Department of Education was concerned, a student’s gender was determined, not by a birth certificate, but by whatever gender the student claimed to be.  And to treat the student otherwise was “discrimination”.

The Trump administration subsequently clarified Title IX so that everyone understood, your gender is whatever is on your birth certificate, so suck it up and use the bathroom your were born to use.

Now the Biden administration has clarified Title IX so we’re all clear that Obama was right and Trump was wrong, and your gender matched your own idea of yourself. So use the bathroom you prefer, and yes, you can play on the girl’s volleyball team, and even be a cheerleader.

In Florida, GOP Governor Ron DeSantis announced that the state “will not comply” with the new rules. Governor DeSantis loves saying things like that. (I bet he was dressed in blue, as a baby.) But it’s not clear if, as a result, he has just deprived Florida public schools of their federal funding. That would not be pleasant.

We can easily imagine what’s going to happen next, if Donald Trump gets re-elected.

A lot of disappointed cheerleaders.

Does Trump realize how strong you need to be, to be a cheerleader these days?

Louis Cannon

Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.