READY, FIRE, AIM: A Good Reason to Skip Mother’s Day

I typically send my mom a card on Mother’s Day.  Or maybe a few days after Mother’s Day, if I happened to forget.

My mom and I have a great relationship.  We both have a sense of humor, about our relationship, and about the world in general.  If my card arrives a few days late, she just laughs.

This past Mother’s Day, I was on my game, and sent the card a week early.  Mom has been going through a rough spell, and I though she could use a card from her son that didn’t feel like an afterthought.

I’ve been thinking a lot about motherhood lately.  I suppose we all have?  It’s been in the news.

For one thing, being a mom is a lot less popular than it used to be. The most recent CDC report on the U.S. birth rate shows that fertility rates in 2023 dropped to just 1.62 births per woman, the lowest level recorded since data collection began in the 1930s, nearly a century ago.

We could blame this on many things. Economy cars, for example. Have you ever tried to ‘make out’ in the back seat of a Toyota Corolla?

And it’s gotten more dangerous.  The U.S. now has the highest maternal mortality rate of any industrialized nation. It’s scary enough, thinking about nine months of increasing discomfort, topped off by the worst pain you will ever experience… and then also knowing you could wind up dead.

Also, who can afford to raise a kid in 2024? Ballet lessons are not cheap these days. And soccer shoes can set you back a week’s wages. Milk! Has anyone noticed at the price of milk?

But the main problem seems to be that most young women of childbearing age have moved back in with their parents. Between student loans and car payments and inflation and cell phone service, a young woman doesn’t have much choice. Makes it hard to get pregnant, when Mom and Dad are sleeping in the next room.

Our brave politicians are trying to turn the tide, but they’re approaching it from different angles. Democrats want to waive everyone’s student loans, and subsidize women who have babies. Republicans want to get rid of abortion. (The Republicans are especially desperate to fix the problem, because the women who are still having babies tend to have dark skin. This leading to all kinds of unpleasant outcomes. A Black man elected President, for instance.)

Anyway, in the Mother’s Day card to my mom, I wrote (as a joke):

“I’m so glad you didn’t have an abortion!  Your son, Louis.”

About a week later, I got a card from my mom.  A birthday card.

Which was weird, because my birthday is in December.

Mom had written in the card:

“Well, I wanted to have an abortion, but that wasn’t possible in 1964!”

She signed it, “Your reluctant mother.”

Ha ha ha!  My mom.  Always ready with a joke.

But later on, I got to wondering.  Was Mom serious?  That she actually wanted to get an abortion?

And she got me, instead?

Louis Cannon

Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.