‘Senior Conversations’ have been taking place for the past year in a couple of different locations — currently, at the Senior Center on Hot Springs Boulevard every Monday at 1:15pm. (NOTE: Due to the MLK holiday, the gathering will be held on Wednesday next week.) The conversational circle is led by Bill Salmansohn, and we sat down together a few days ago to chat about how the undertaking got started…
Daily Post: Bill, give us a bit of background on Senior Conversations.
Bill Salmansohn: Having owned a caregiving agency in Florida for 16 years, I was afforded the pleasure of having intimate conversations with older people, and their children — familial conversations — and I felt very lucky to have that opportunity. When I moved to Pagosa, I hadn’t noticed exactly what I was missing, until I decided to start ‘Senior Conversations’ to fill a place in my own heart that rejoices in having close, intimate conversations that are important and meaningful for people. That’s where the inspiration came from.
Going back further, when I became involved in Landmark Forums, back in 1988 — that was a mind bending course. It was the first time I sat in a group of people — 120 people or so — and we were asked to share ourselves. And I’m thinking to myself, “No f***ing way!”
And when the course finally happened — I would say I was desperately searching, and I was actually the first one in that group to share. 120 people. I said to myself, “I’m not going to waste my time; I’m not going to waste the money I paid for this course.” I was going to get my money’s worth.
They had a blackboard with a lot of rules on it, and I said to myself, “That’s a lot of BS.” And when I stood up, I asked, ‘What’s with all these rules?’ I was 38 at the time, and little did I know that my first question would lead to a lifetime of practice, with Landmark.
So I’m 73 now, and I’m still practicing. I’m still attending seminars. It’s an ontology — speaking and listening, to yourself and others, as ontological beings.
In life, we don’t say, “Hey man, how are you being?” We say, “How are you doing?” Because we’ve forgotten that we’re really ‘beings’ in life. We’re not just ‘human doings’; we’re human beings.
So I love this conversation, and that what we conduct at Senior Conversations. Addressing each human being as a ‘being’, openly without any kind of prejudice.
When I’m in a Senior Conversation, my job is to listen to people wholeheartedly, and to listen to them from my own being. And listen to them speak from their own being. So I’m not living on the level of judgements; it’s more like, ‘What are they really saying?’
We’re meeting at the Senior Center, and the sessions last about an hour and 15 minutes, when we have our typical group of eight or nine people and we’re all addressing a particular question or topic — forgiveness or vulnerability or some topic like that can make a difference in people’s lives.
You never know what people are going through — seniors, or children, or anyone — but I would say my specialty right now is seniors.
Daily Post: What would you say attracts your regular group to this participatory event?
Bill Salmansohn: It’s kind of a unique opportunity for a lot of people, to fully express themselves. No holds barred; no judgements expressed by the group. An opportunity for full expression.
I start the meetings off with a rule: whatever happens here, stays here. One person speaks at a time; no interruptions are allowed. If people want to speak to one another, peer-to-peer, that can happen after the meeting. But this is a time for us to dig into some spaces that we may never have dug into before.
How often do we have a chance to talk about who we’ve forgiven in our lives, and who we’ve not forgiven? And what are the costs and benefits of forgiveness? So it can get very deep. And I think people really appreciate the richness of the conversations.
And when you’re doing it in a circle of eight or nine people, and everyone is sharing on the same level, we see that we’re all in this experience of life together. Nobody is outside of it, and we’re all dealing with very similar issues. So it’s an opportunity to get real with yourself, while getting real with others. And it’s building a bond with everyone in the circle.
Some people have come to Senior Conversations a little bit… wary? Concerned? Unsure of what we’re doing? And I want to say, that’s completely appropriate. I was the same way. Don’t push me in the water — I’ll go in when I’m ready. So if someone wants to come and just silently observe, just to sit in, come check us out Mondays at 1:15. See if you feel safe enough to share, and participate.
If you want to learn more about Senior Conversations, feel free to call Bill Salmansohn at 561-400-7724.