READY, FIRE, AIM: The ‘Daily Post’ Should Hire George Santos

PHOTO: Congressman George Santos trying out some fresh comedy material. When he was still a Congressman.

My editor doesn’t always listen to me.

In fact, now that I think about it, my phone calls to him always go to voicemail. Which might qualify as ‘passive aggressive’ behavior, although I’ve never been entirely clear what that term means.

My most recent call to my editor (which also went to voicemail) concerned George Santos, the Congressman expelled last week by a vote of almost 75% of the House of Representatives. 311 to expel vs. 114 to let him continue making laws for the US taxpayers.

Apparently, Rep. Santos — now “former-Rep.” Santos — was not entirely happy about his expulsion, and he held a press conference outside the U.S. Capitol, taking questions from mainstream media reporters. (I was not able to attend that press conference. Budget concerns here at the Daily Post, unfortunately. Maybe if had been Lauren Boebert, getting expelled?)

Reportedly, George Santos knows what he wants to do next, according to reporter Dana Milbank with The Washington Post:

Asked about his plans for after his expected expulsion on Friday, the former Brazilian drag queen who faked his way to national fame proclaimed: “The future is endless. … You can do whatever you want next. And I’m just going to do whatever I want.”

That’s pretty much the attitude of everyone here at the Daily Post. The future is endless, and we should do whatever we want. Which is, in my particular case, making up stories that are mostly untrue.

I hate to say it, but I’d bet good money Mr. Santos would make an better humor columnist than me.

Ha ha! That’s a complete lie. But that’s what we’re longing for, right? Liars, who can make us laugh?

The Daily Post has a few thoughtful columnists, but, unfortunately, most of them seem attached to telling the truth. Not a great way to get followers, the way I see it. Lies, the bigger the better, are the best way for a media outlet (Fox, CNN, MSNBC) or a politician to acquire loyal disciples.

The more lies you can tuck into a seemingly-innocent, so-called “humor column”, the better.

I’m just following the trail blazed by our elected Congressional leaders. Does anyone honestly believe the 435 members of the US House of Representatives got elected by telling the truth? Ha!

Reportedly, during his press conference, George Santos essentially agreed with me. (Probably without even knowing I exist, but I’m okay with that.)

Santos alleged that “many members of Congress have rap sheets” (he didn’t name them) and said “I will be filing a slew of complaints in the coming hours of today and tomorrow” with the Ethics Committee against his soon-to-be-former colleagues…

WP reporter Dana Milbank included a few of George Santo’s more interesting comments — which might be lies — and then offered this conclusion:

At a time when Donald Trump’s Republican Party has been flooding the national debate with disinformation and conspiracy theories, Santos showed just how far one could go with a lie, right down to the knee injuries he didn’t sustain while not playing volleyball on a scholarship he did not receive for the college he did not attend.

The mass media loves to point their finger at liars like George Santos. But as a person much smarter than myself once said, when you’re pointing your finger, there are three other fingers pointing back at you.

That’s very true, unfortunately.  So I’m not pointing any fingers, here. I ‘m just saying that George Santos could be a fine humorist.  More humor would make me more likely to actually read the Daily Post.

There’s definitely a shortage of former Brazilian drag queens on our staff.

Like, take this funny comment Mr. Santos made about himself, during a recent interview on an X Spaces podcast:

“All of a sudden, George Santos is the Mary Magdalene of the United States Congress. We’re all going to stone this motherf—er because it’s just politically expedient.”

Ha ha! That’s so hilarious, because Mary Magdalene was not, in fact, stoned.  Nor was she ever a member of Congress.  But she did financially support Jesus’ ministry, which adds a special humorous twist to Mr. Santos’ joke, knowing his outrageous relationship to campaign finances.

I assume George Santos knew very well that some people would fail to understand the humor in his ‘Mary Magdalene’ joke.  And he was probably fine with that.  Not everyone is going to “get” your humor.

Ask me how I know.

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