Christmas is almost upon us, best holiday is very close and we want to make sure that you will have the best and most beautiful christmas with your family, new christmas smart led lights for best christmas.
— Spam email in my inbox, September 29, 2023
I can’t fully express how much I appreciate the communications I receive from complete strangers who want me to have the best and most beautiful Christmas with my family, which at the moment consists of myself and my cat, Roscoe.
Luckily, nowadays, even a small family can have the best and most beautiful Christmas.
The amazing progress that humankind has made since the invention of the iPhone now allows me to choose a range of high-tech lighting patterns on my Christmas tree, including a Rainbow pattern (shown above)… and also (hopefully) a Red , White, and Blue pattern… depending upon my mood. Or Roscoe’s mood.
This technical progress — what with Christmas being very close, as was mentioned in a recent email solicitation — would definitely make my Christmas the best ever.
If only I had a Christmas tree.
But Darlene got the tree in the divorce, and I haven’t gotten around to buying a new one.
The smart Christmas tree string lights are made with IP44 protection which makes them great for use both indoors and outdoors, is compatible with both iOS and Android devices, can be activated using your smart home speaker, features over 16 million color variation options…
So, apparently, you can choose to have the lights change all on their own depending on whatever music you happen to be playing on your iPhone.
I rarely listen to music, except for the theme music to whatever TV show I happen to be watching. I’m curious which of the 16 million color variation my tree would display while I watch American Horror Story?
The solicitation didn’t mention the price, but I was able to search up these clever lights on Amazon, for prices ranging from $75 to $159. That seems like a very reasonable cost, for 16 million color variations. It’s hard to find 16 million of anything for $75.
Even a single pair of shoes can easily cost more than $75. And there’s only two of them.
Until I got this email, I had forgotten that Christmas is almost upon us. Only 82 days and 12 hours left. People used to keep track of the number of “Shopping Days Until Christmas”, but nowadays, every day is a “Shopping Day”.
There’s at least one website is tracking the number of “sleeps until Christmas”.
If you are even able to sleep, what with all the anxiety about producing the best and most beautiful Christmas for your family.
Back when Darlene and I were raising our kids, we had a beautiful family tradition where each person picked out one new ornament for the tree every year. Money was no object; our agreement was, we were willing to fork out any amount for each person’s ornament. But it gradually morphed into a friendly contest, with each person trying to find the most expensive ornament. The tradition finally came to an end, the year my daughter found a $1,500 ornament online; an angel gilded with 24-karat gold, made in Italy.
Darlene got all the ornaments in the divorce.
Which only made sense, since she had the tree.
But I got to keep my iPhone.
And I can probably afford $75, if I want to have the best holiday very close.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.