A long time ago, a person much smarter than me once said, “Know Thyself”. Like, maybe 2,500 years ago.
Actually, he (or she) said it in Greek. “Γνῶθι σεαυτόν.” No one remembers who said it, but we definitely remember it was said. It’s really impressive — to say something and have it remembered 2,500 years later. Back when I was married, I had a hard time remembering anything Darlene said, even the following day.
Obviously, they said something intelligent because, even in 2023, a writer of humor columns remembers it.
According to the ancient Greek historian Pausanias, “Γνῶθι σεαυτόν” was one of three Delphic maxims inscribed in the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi.
Yesterday, I was sitting on the porch, soaking up the sun, and thinking that I ought to know myself better. I know a few things about myself. (I’m afraid of the dark, for example.) But to really know thyself, you need to first know your parents, because a lot of who you are, was beaten into you as a child. But to know your parents, you actually need to know your grandparents. To know your grandparents, you need to know your great-grandparents.
And on, and on.
I realized — sitting there in the sun — that “who I am” really goes back to the very beginning of the world. Because things might have been screwed up, from the very beginning, in which case I am not to blame for who I am.
Sadly, we don’t know much about the very beginning of the world. We only have some stories.
One crazy story, that’s surprisingly popular nowadays, says that 14 billion years ago (give or take) there was a thing called a ‘singularity’, or a ‘similarity’, or something like that, floating in a void of nothingness. Then, something happened to make it expand — very suddenly — into the entire universe.
Some people who call themselves ‘scientists’ have named this story “The Big Bang Theory” and have suggested it’s a true story.
I’ve heard this story a number of times, but I’ve never heard anyone explain why the singularity suddenly decided to expand into an entire universe, or where the singularity came from in the first place. Apparently, scientists don’t care about little details like that, because they can’t be bothered, and also, because they prefer doing mathematics over making sense.
I’m not buying the “Big Bang”. It’s just a bit too weird.
Another story I’ve heard a number of times involves God. One day, He decided to make the world… and six days later, He was ready to create a Man. The process involved sculpting with clay, which is a fine material to sculpt with. Then, to keep the Man from being lonely — or maybe to keep him confused — God took one of the Man’s ribs and made Woman. The Woman and the Man started disobeying God almost immediately, and got themselves kicked out of the Garden.
This story makes a lot more sense than the “Big Bang” because it involves people doing things they aren’t supposed to do.
It also helps us keep our lives in perspective, because we can claim that we come from a long line of sinners.
But the Bible story suffers from the same problem as the “Big Bang” in terms of fully explaining creation.
Which is, where did God come from?
The Ute Indians have a different story, according to the Southern Ute Indian Tribe website. The story, posted there, begins:
The Utes do not have a migration story. The Utes have always lived here in the mountains. This is the Ute Creation Story as told by Alden Naranjo, a revered Southern Ute Elder and a member of the Mouache and Caputa bands.
Basically, the story goes like this. In the beginning, the world had a total population of two; namely, Sinawav the Creator, and Coyote. Sinawav handed Coyote a mysterious bag and gave him careful instructions to carry the bag to a certain location in the mountains and empty it there. Coyote was told not to open the bag under any circumstances, until he reached his assigned destination. Coyote agreed, and set out on his journey.
We can already see what’s going to happen.
Coyote opens the bag when he’s not supposed to, and out jump all the various Indian tribes, running off in all directions and speaking all kinds of different languages.
A few people are still in the bag, and Coyote deposits them in the proper location. These people become the Ute Indians.
When Coyote returns from his errand, Sinawav is not happy.
“You foolish thing, you do not know what a fearful thing you have done,” says Sinawav.
Coyote tried to make excuses.
“I tried to catch them. I was frightened. They spoke in strange tongues that I could not understand.”
“Those you let escape will forever war with the chosen ones. They will be the tribes which will always be a thorn in the sides of the Utes,” said Sinawav.
“The Utes, even though they are few in number, will be the mightiest and most valiant of heart…”
I tend to prefer this story over the other choices. The “Big Bang” story is totally unbelievable because it doesn’t involve somebody doing something wrong.
The Adam and Eve story comes in second place. Yes, they knew they weren’t suppose to eat the apple. But really, all they did was… eat an apple.
The Ute Creation Story is my favorite, because Coyote knew he was doing something wrong when he opened the bag.
The result was endless wars. That seems the closest to a true story.