Most Daily Post readers have probably heard of Charles Darwin. I know that I have. He wrote a mildly controversial book in 1859, On the Origin of Species, that you can still find at certain local libraries, 160 years later. (Though not at the Pagosa library; after all, we have our standards here.)
Darwin’s basic idea was that slight biological variations sometimes occur, when baby animals are born — a slightly longer nose, for example, or a different shade of fur — and the variations can sometimes result in a better (or worse) chance of survival. If better, then also a better chance that the surviving animal will mate, and pass along the helpful variation.
Assuming of course, that the girls are attracted by the slightly longer nose. (Darwin didn’t address that question explicitly in his book.)
When this survival mechanism is at work over, say, millions of years, the result can be a totally new species that’s faster, stronger, more clever, and more handsome than the original species. Thus, we arrive at a remarkable finished product like Charles Darwin. Or, more recently, Donald Trump.
In his 1859 book, Darwin didn’t discuss how this mechanism might operate in the human species. That discussion had to wait until 1871 and the publication of his next book, The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to Sex. As we can imagine, this book generated quite a bit more controversy than his earlier book, suggesting as it did that humans were descended from apes, and even more shockingly, that sex has something to do with it.
Sex being a somewhat taboo subject in 1871.
150 years later, not only can we talk about sex, and write books about sex, we can even choose what sex we are. Thereby putting a hefty dose of “Evolve” into “Evolution”.
But in spite of Darwin’s thoughtful work, and in spite of the fact that, in 2022, most scientists (and most Daily Post readers, I assume) accept Darwin’s theory as proven fact… we still don’t fully understand how Christmas turned into the commercial, materialistic disaster it seems to have become.
As America leaves the 2022 Black Friday debacle behind, I will try and address the lack of coherent theories.
Holidays are a lot like animals, in terms of evolution. Christmas, for example, did not always look like it does today.
Prior to Christian celebrations, Roman pagans celebrated the holiday of Saturnalia, a week of raucous celebrations from December 17-25, during which the Roman courts were closed and the law dictated that citizens could not be punished for damaging property or injuring people during the feasting. Slaves were allowed to insult their masters; priests dressed up in women’s clothes; gambling was permitted; the Romans celebrated pretty much continually for eight days straight.
One aspect of the week-long party was the Sigillaria, on December 19 — a day of gift-giving. Writing about the Saturnalia, the Roman poet ‘Martial’ listed gift both expensive and cheap. Writing tablets, dice, combs, toothpicks, sausages, parrots, hats, hunting knives, lamps, perfumes, pigs, spoons, masks, and books.
Knowing all this, we can probably understand the decline and fall of the Roman Empire. Especially the priests in women’s clothes.
By the Middle Ages, the Roman church had successfully changed the name to ‘Christmas’, but the celebrations exhibited a similar pattern of feasting, drinking, merrymaking, and gift-giving.
Then the Protestant Reformation came along in 1517 and ruined all the fun. No more parties, for the next 350 years. I can report this with some measure of authority, because I was raised Protestant.
Because Protestants were forbidden from giving gifts during Christmas, they had to invent Santa Claus, the imaginary gift-giving elf best described by Clement C. Moore in his famous poem, A Visit from St. Nicholas, more commonly known as The Night Before Christmas.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack…
…He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself…
Around the time I was born, parents were leaving the church in droves, and were also deciding that they could now tell their children that, in fact, the gifts came from Mom and Dad, and Santa was merely a quaint character invented in the 1850s, who seriously looked like Charles Darwin, but better dressed.
This was a huge evolutionary mistake for the human race. Instead of trying to be good little boys and girls for a whole year, so that Santa would bring a cherished toy instead of a lump of coal, children now learned to constantly pester Mom and Dad for materialistic possessions. And we’re not talking toothpicks and sausages. The kids now want iPhones, self-powered skateboards, 3-in-1 charging stations, and Telecaster guitars.
One key assumption behind Darwin’s theory was that things are constantly improving, as a result of natural selection.
A few scientists — and certain humor writers — are now questioning his theory.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.