Hello sports fans this is Mark Reynolds with Moon FM, and have we got a show for you. I’m here with Jenna Park, chief analyst with our satellite station KBAM. Say hi to our listeners, Jenna.
Jenna: Hi.
Mark: Jenna, we’ve got a big matchup with the Earth and the Moon. Who do you see in this one?
Jenna: Moon.
Mark: Why’s that?
Jenna: Earth stands no chance. The Moon has a front line that is fit and ready. Earth is fielding nothing but slow, overweight, hamburger-eating slackers.
Mark: That seems a little harsh.
Jenna: I call ’em as I see ’em.
Mark: Very good. Will the element of surprise help the Moon?
Jenna: If by help you mean Earth has no idea they’re in a game, then yes.
Mark: How about quarterbacks? The USA recently switched horses. Is Biden really better than Trump?
Jenna: Possibly. He’s got a more accurate arm. But his long game is suspect. One problem hasn’t been solved. The fans are divided.
Mark: I see. Does that hurt the Earth’s chances?
Jenna: Yes.
Mark: How about Malthusian fans?
Jenna: We’re going Full Moon. We’ve been itching for this game for 15,000 years. Earth has it coming, and we’re going to give it to them.
Mark: Excellent. Is Captain Rollhagen, aboard Spaceship One, worried about anything?
Jenna: What do you mean?
Mark: Oh, you know. Maybe a late Hail Mary, like the A bomb.
Jenna: He’ll be ready.
Mark: Are you afraid of distractions?
Jenna: I can’t imagine…
Mark: Say a Malthusian develops feelings for the other team. Does that hurt our chances? All members can trace their origins to Earth, after all.
Jenna: Why would anyone do that?
Mark: Or any of the crew. What if they fall in love with an Earth member…
Jenna: (silence)
Mark: Jenna?
Jenna: I heard the question. No. Moon must take every precaution. Victory at all cost. Any teammate showing the least affection for a rival must be benched! Sent to the lockers! As Vince Lombardy said, Show me a good loser, and I’ll…
Mark: Thanks Jenna. I think this wraps it up. If you don’t mind me saying, that’s a particularly attractive uni-suit you have on today.
Jenna: Keep your hands on your microphone, buddy.
Mark: Right. This is Mark Reynolds from Moon FM, your station for the Fighting Malthusians, signing off.
Richard Donnelly lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Classic flyover land. Which makes us feel just a little… superior. He publishes a weekly column of essays on the writing life at richarddonnelly.substack.com