Watching and waiting, visitors from the Moon orbit the planet. Their mission: Conquer Earth. Of course, that’s the easy part…
The ramp opened on Spaceship One, and Cmdr. Kern eased his anti-gravity pod into the first available spot. He checked the yellow parking lines carefully. Last time, some nitwit put a nice ding in his door.
The attendant was asleep. “Petty Officer!” Kern shouted. The man blinked. Then sat straight up.
“I’m sorry, Commander. I wasn’t expecting you.”
“Evidently so. Am I or am I not on the Arrival List?”
The petty officer picked up a clipboard. “You are. I just wasn’t expecting you.”
“Who were you expecting, Bob Hope?” Malthusians are bad at sarcasm.
Kern ignored the mumbled apology and carrying his day bag, marched off. The first crew member he ran into was Paul Hussenian, the ancient chief engineer. He looked at the bag. “Going somewhere?” the old man asked.
“I’ve just returned from Earth. I’ve been gone two entire weeks. You should know that, Paul.”
“Oh, yes. You’re right. Welcome back.” The engineer hustled away. He was always wanted somewhere.
Was the old boy getting forgetful? Heading for the elevator, Kern nearly collided with Lt. Megan Bremer, who worked in his office. She nodded and walked past.
“Well?” Kern called to her.
Bremer stopped. “Well what?”
“Aren’t you going to welcome me back?”
“You were gone?”
Kern kept moving. He dropped his bag in his room and headed for the bridge. “Kern!” Captain Rollhagen shouted. “There you are. Get over here!”
At last. Somebody missed him.
“Captain, you wouldn’t believe what happened in New York. First, I got a check for one billion. Then…”
The captain, face glued to his video disk, hadn’t heard a word. Chuckling, he pointed.”Check out this new emoji from Space Corps. It’s freaking hilarious.”
Kern tried to explain. The most remarkable thing happened. He had gone to Manhattan, then met a woman…
“Where was this?” asked Rollhagen.
“On Earth! I just returned.”
“That’s right! You went to Earth. I forgot.” The captain was on his feet. “I’ve got to show this to Gladys Foy. This is just too funny.” He trotted off.
Kern was not a man who needed adulation. Rigid, devoted to duty, he considered such requirements a form of weakness. Still, he was hurt. Did no one care he had been away? Was he so undervalued he could trip on a guy wire, fall through a floor hatch, shoot off into space, and no one would notice?
“Mr. Kern!” A voice called from a hallway juice bar. “You’re back!” It was the cadet, Josh Woolsey. He was spending the summer on Spaceship One.
Kenneth Kern was a man of principle. But he was also human. “You knew I was gone?”
“Of course. I couldn’t wait for you to get back.”
“Why thank you, Josh.”
“You know that project you gave me?” The cadet spoke rapidly. “The lavatory expulsion device, on D Deck?”
Kern vaguely remembered.
“Well,” Josh said. “I fixed it!”
“Fixed what?”
“The shitter!” The young man beamed.
Kern straightened. “First of all, we don’t use those terms on Spaceship One. Second, I’ll expect a full report Monday.”
“Yes sir.”
“And good work.” Kern clapped his back. “You’ll make a fine officer some day.”
It was not in the commander’s nature to give compliments. But he felt rather kindly toward his young midshipman.
Someone missed him.
Richard Donnelly lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Classic flyover land. Which makes us feel just a little… superior. He publishes a weekly column of essays on the writing life at richarddonnelly.substack.com