We all need something to celebrate, in this day and age, what with everything degenerating into conflict, or getting warmer and drier, or costing a lot more than it used to.
I’m going to be celebrating Women’s History Month, before it all comes crashing down.
Women have a lot of history to celebrate, starting with the apple that she gave to Adam… which is a long, unpleasant story I’m not going to get into. Then, later on, there was Cleopatra, who reportedly looked a lot like Elizabeth Taylor. And many other women, who made history, or studied it in high school, once women were finally allowed to be educated.
Joan of Arc did not attend school, for example, but still became important in history… important enough to be declared a saint by the Catholic Church. Her real name was Jeanne d’Arc, but she labeled herself “Jehanne la Pucelle” which can be roughly translated as “Joan the Maiden”. She never got married.
Another famous woman who never married was women’s suffrage crusader Susan B. Anthony, the first woman to appear on a U.S. coin.
I don’t think Cleopatra got married, either. Maybe we are seeing a pattern here?
Most of the women who were famous in history lived a long time ago. Except Sarah Palin, for example, who was in fact married, for a while. She also played the flute in the junior high band, according to Wikipedia, and then attended Wasilla High School, where she was point guard of the girls’ basketball team that won the 1982 Alaska state championship, which resulted in her being elected as Governor of Alaska.
Just goes to show, you can be married, for a while at least, and still get mentioned in a humor article about celebrating Women’s History Month.
But my question is, how to celebrate, if I’m a guy? (Which I am.)
There are plenty of ways to celebrate, if you’re a woman. You can start with Simple Mills Pumpkin Muffins or Almond Flour Crackers, a brand that deliciously fills the void in grain-free baked goods.
The main question, of course, is whether you want the 95 cent celebration or the $7.75 celebration? But I’m not a woman, so I probably have no business expressing a preference.
When you’re a guy, you can find yourself surrounded by women who are all celebrating, at this moment in history, with muffins and crackers. And one thing I’ve noticed, is a lot of women who are not getting married. So we might be seeing plenty of famous women in the near future, and more history to celebrate.
But history is all in the past, as they say, and the future is yet to be. The problem for a guy, right now — March 2022 — is how to celebrate Women’s History Month.
I’m sort of rambling, as you may have noticed… talking about girl’s basketball teams in Alaska, and muffins and crackers… because I’m honestly at a loss for how a guy should celebrate Women’s History Month.
If this was Men’s History Month instead, I would definitely know how to celebrate, except that football season is already over, and I never really got into basketball.
President Obama is one guy who apparently knew who to celebrate Women’s History Month, although he had the unfair advantage of being married to Michelle.
The photo above shows the Obamas at the White House in 2013, celebrating with an excited gathering of women who might or might not be historically important.
The women in the picture look like they enjoying the experience of shaking hands with the Obamas.
But maybe, not as much as this woman is enjoying the experience of having Donald Trump sign her chest during a book-signing event.
Obviously, there are numerous ways to celebrate. If you’re a celebrity.
Maybe I could learn to cook muffins.
Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.