“Politicians!…” exclaims Santa, in that booming voice of his. “Ho! Ho! Ho! That’s some group, isn’t it?”
A reporter, at Santa’s annual press conference, is wondering who’s been naughty, and who’s been nice, and Santa — demurring a bit, with privacy considerations in mind — tells the reporter that, maybe, instead of judging individuals, evaluating the naughtiness and niceness of groups of people might be preferable.
Agreeing with Old Saint Nick, the reporter says, “Great idea! Suppose, then, we begin with politicians… as a group. Would you be willing to comment on their naughtiness and niceness?”
“I surely can attempt to do that,” Santa says, “but they’re such a mixed bag, you know.
“Some of them are doing their level best to make life a little better for folks in nations, and principalities, and territories, and such… and in states, towns, cities, and counties. In free societies, in particular, politicians can attempt to do their level best.
“But where autocratic and, perhaps, naughty rulers, are ruling the roost, and convincing others to follow their lead by acting naughty, too… that’s disheartening. We’ve been giving this much thought, wondering if there’s anything we can do. Of course, we’ve considered leaving lumps of coal in naughty rulers’ and naughty politicians’ stockings. But one never knows if that will be enough to change their behavior.
“And who knows? Just for leaving a little coal in their stockings, they could wind up suing us, and tying us up in endless legal proceedings. Imagine all the nice kids and grownups, too, seeing me and the elves, in the news, having to appear in court, for heaven’s sake!
“Thank goodness, there’s no way they could primary me, since I’m not a politician, and never plan to be one.
“Although I do recall, about 70 or, maybe it was 80 years ago, someone wondering if I’d ever consider running for office in a certain small town in Colorado. But the elves and I always are way too busy, bringing good tidings and great joy, throughout the world, to even consider getting into politics…”
With a quick glance at his pocket watch, Santa tells the press corps that he must get back to work, but is happy to take one more question.
A reporter asks, “Would you want to go up on one of those rocket rides, where you get to be weightless for a few minutes? Wouldn’t that be something?”
Santa replies, “I get to soar all around the Earth, on my sleigh, at a pretty good rate of speed. I’m even tracked by NORAD.
“And as I alluded to, a bit earlier, there’s so much, right here on Earth, requiring our attention. The elves and I are pretty much booked up, all year round.
With that, Old Saint Nick steps back from the podium, and gives a shout. “Merry Christmas, everyone! And may we all enjoy the gifts of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness!”
Harvey Radin is former senior vice president in charge of corporate communications and media relations, Bank of America Western Region. He makes his home in Redwood City, CA.