HMPRESENTLY: A Better Horrible Ranking

Some things – restaurants, for example – are five-star eateries, others earn four, or three, or fewer stars. Hotels and resorts are ranked with stars, as well, and sometimes vehicles, and such.

Which got me wondering if that word ‘caucus’ I’ve been fixating on, lately — the next, best cuss word — could turn the ranking industry topsy-turvy. If, instead of awarding stars signifying quality, ‘caucuses’ were awarded for screwing things up. Instead of signifying a top ranking, five caucuses would signify the lowest ranking.

And, lower numbers – two or one, for example – would reflect a slightly better, but still extremely disappointing ranking. Zero caucuses would be the lowest – but oddly enough, in this case – zero would signify the top of the bottom ranking. If you know what I mean.

So let’s say, some politician implicated in the attack on the United States Capitol Building, last January, gets a five-caucus ranking. Maybe for that alone, or for other things, too, like blowing off many of the Ten Commandments. And the politician’s senior advisors are all upset and wringing their hands. Since three or two caucuses would have been a better, horrible ranking.

Like I said… topsy turvy.

Harvey Radin

Harvey Radin is former senior vice president in charge of corporate communications and media relations, Bank of America Western Region. He makes his home in Redwood City, CA.